Would've loved to have seen some air guitar accompany that lip syncing.
about 2 weeks ago via
Twitter
The show will be rescheduled for another date. And by then I will
hopefully have better jokes too.
about 2 weeks ago via
Twitter
Sincerest apologies to those who planned on seeing me at U of Rochester 2nite. 3 hours in the airport, 2 cancellations. Very sorry...
about 2 weeks ago via
Twitter
"I'm just really terrible with goodbyes" is an easy excuse for not flushing the toilet. #LifeTip
When I brought Lunchables to my fifth grade class, I was the coolest. Not as much now when I bring them to a restaurant.
"cremate me, please, and sprinkle my ashes/pinch by pinch on strippers' eyelashes." #poetry
Just got very excited when I thought of RonPaulstiltskin. A quick googling showed me that people had beat me to it. Damn!
Newt Gingrich looks like Venusaur.
my new year's resolution is to stop eating sleeves of Oreos while wearing sleeveless shirts.
My inner child just crapped his pants into my actual pants. What an idiot!
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