Great, so I'm x-posting now. No, that's not a porno thing.
Posted January 1, 2007
So, this is from my MySpace Music Page, which you can check out HERE.
So, in response to the one I posted from my PV, I figured I'd give an update.
I'm over the flu - or whatever it was - but I've got this cough that's been hanging on for dear life nearly three weeks, now. And, I haven't fully gotten my voice back - hence sounding like crap on the last two song updates 'fairytale' and 'song of my heart'. IT SUCKS.
Anyways, SO, NEW YEARS? Ya, that. Um, you got any resolutions? Other than the basic 'lose 10lbs . . . eat healthier . . . be a better parent/spouse/insert gender here . . . live life to the fullest . . . stop killing kittens . . . yadayadayada . . . ' I mean. For me the New Year's resolutions are 1) duh, lose 20lbs by summer. lol 2) create a presentable demo by Summer - I could use some help/advice here on this PLEASE! I'm clueless. How many tracks? What kinda quality is acceptable? Should I go to a studio, or do the "in-the-bedroom,-with-Audacity-and-my-Dell-mic" recordings cover it? Once I've got it done, then what? Send it to coffeeshops? More? Eh, anyway, ya. I could use a lot of help there. Back on track now. 3) get some photos taken by the end of fall. 4) get a website up and running. 5) perform at least once before the end of the year (I know, right? - You'd think I'd be on top of that.)
I guess, these are just to say . . . that I'm finally getting serious about this thing. I don't know what I have to do, but I feel like God's put on my heart that this year I have to act. I don't know why else I'd suddenly have this urgency to create the demo. It's been a vague thought for a couple years now.
Those aren't really resolutions. They're goals, put into effect starting now, with deadlines. Not resolutions.
Shut up, I know that's the same thing. I'm just saying.
I really want to get a bit closer to God in our relationship. *stereotypical, I know* It seems that since I left Southeastern I lost some . . . something. Something I had with him. To be honest, I'd lost it before I left SEU. But, then again, I knew that. I got to Charlotte, and suddenly had this desire to rekindle something . . . but still wanted to push it away. Does that make sense? I got over that (a topic I talk about in a couple of my more recent songs), but, now I feel like I'm starting over and don't know where to start.
Hmm. It's weird, that's all. It's like, you'd think that growing up in church, it'd be easy for me to pick up where I left off - like muscle memory or something - but it's not. It's just not going that simply. Things have gone wrong. And, I, we, my family and I, have had to face them. These situations have really shown me where I'm at now, though. I didn't have peace in those times, like my mom and grandma had. I didn't have rational thought. Or trust. I was just afraid.
God proved himself. Again.
And, made me realize that I'm nowhere near where I used to be . . . being close to him . . . trusting him . . . knowing him. And . . . something keeps making me afraid to talk to him. With him. Maybe it's that I know that I'm not in that place with him that I should be - comparatively, I guess. But the truth is I'LL NEVER BE THERE. I'll never be, with him, in the place I should be - because there's always something better to attain with him. Some other level. Hmm, I guess I just feel like I fell back a couple levels. And, now, there's shame attached to having to climb back up.
And, why? Why would I feel shame? I mean, I'm doing it to myself. There's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, right? So why do I feel ashamed when I'm trying to get closer? Hmm - I think something just got sorted out in my head just then - you're probably wondering how anything is making sense after this rambling stream of consciousness. I'm under an attack. A mental attack. To keep me from reaching out to God. Wow.
So, there's my new New Year's resolution. I resolve to search for personal knowledge and relationship with my God despite what I may think or feel.
That was diplomatic. lol. Be impressed. Go on. Be it.
Ok, so now, after writing this, I just had this moment of second-guessing whether or not to post it on here. See, I usually have no qualms about posting stuff like this on my LJ - it's personal . . . just friends -, but, I wasn't sure the MySpace audience could handle my . . . weirdness. But you know what? Screw it. Either you like me or you don't. Deal.
Anyway, if I haven't said it already, Happy New Year! I wish you all the best! I'm off now . . . to do I-don't-know-what.
Love and peace,
Marc
