- Listener
XBRATCOREX
Age: 17
Location: Wonderland (aka Kansas)
Joined On: Dec 14, 2006
Website: www.myspace.com/cherrylove1990
im 17, i like writing songs and going to shows... i am diehard loyal to my friends and will do anything for them. im your whatsername, rage and love. lifes no storybook. scissors plus my hair equals scandalous love affair. interpretive dance with kaitlin around fountains. hiding in bookstores. blue streaks. the world is so beautiful in its imperfections. hold my hand while i cry and make me a mix tape and ill love you forever.
im forever changed
three days ago at warped tour, my life was changed completely. im not exactly sure when it happened, but standing there in that parking lot in the 105 degree heat smashed in between a bunch of other sweaty people, my brain chemistry altered. and when it did, it took all i had to not cry my eyes out. (okay, i did just a little, but that was during bayside before i got my sunglasses broken in the mosh pit so luckily no one saw). something i heard someone say a long time ago clicked, and everything made sense.
"we may be scattered, but we are not alone"
i dont know how to describe it, but being with all those people, dancing and singing, and suffereing together brought out the most genuine, pure comfort that i had ever felt. the outside world was such a different world than the one i knew there for a few hours at warped. the outside world isnt so pretty, and you never really know who you can and cant trust. but there, at warped, the world worked a little differently. there was no hiearchy, no rules. we were all there for eachother. if someone started falling to the ground while crowd surfing, people would immediately help out and lift them up again. it was if to say "dont worry. we're here for you" and as JT Woodruff said when he wanted more people to crowd surf, "dont be afraid, these guys are strong. they'll catch you if you fall". the same with the mosh pit: if someone got knocked over and hurt, everyone would stop and make sure that they were okay. it was just so different there. everyone was so caring and able to let loose and be themselves knowing that they werent susceptible to all the criticism and hurt and unbelonging that would come with school the next day. i made a million new friends that i know ill probably never talk to again, but we were there for eachother that day.
warped just showed me that no matter what life is like, whatever happens in the outside world, theres always that greater cause, theres always shows and music and the others. and that greater cause makes me feel a part of something bigger, something better, something more important.because there IS life outside of the outside world, and it makes me feel so good to know theres an escape. there are people who will always be there for me, despite my not knowing them. those people who you will dance with and have an out-of-your-mind sing along with when the band starts to play your favorite tune. those people who will stand back when theres an opportunity to move foward and get closer, they say, "its okay, you can have the space in front of me. youve liked this band more and for longer than i have" like i had to do at coheed. those people are my life and my tears and my story. i cant tell you many of their names, or where they live, or who their friends are, but we shared a unique experience together, and escaped the outside world with me. those people are like my family and they mean more to me than you could ever know.
its the best feeling.
i know that none of any of this probably made any sense, but you would get it if warped TRULY mattered at all to you. and i didnt like all of the bands there, but its okay. and i know that some people didnt really belong there, but thats okay too. it was the most amazing day ever and being in that sweaty parking lot all day was the greatest thing that ever happened to me and i wanna say thanks to all the bands i saw and all the people i met (and already knew) that hung out with me.(especially to evan, katie, and kaitlin who held all my stuff for me while i moshed.youre the greatest friends ever!)
ode to skiing accidents involving men who wear ugly sweaters
look at me. im so weary. eatings nothing more than a habit, but sleep is a sanctuary. you dont know whether im writing to you from a mansion or a street corner. it doesnt matter, the ground is still the same everywhere. we all have earth beneath our shoes, but yeah its all the same. day after day after day after day. life is so complicated in its simplicities. its so routine and its making me sick. im sick of being alice in the (false) hopes that something may happen but nothing really does. "are you ok?" seems to be the hardest question to answer anymore. give them an honest answer and they'll stage fake concern. do they care? THEY may tell themselves they do and and YOU may tell yourself they do, but they dont. its only to be polite. dont kid yourself. its an act, an illusion.
all the worlds a stage, after all
that great fiasco known as parent teacher conferences
im letting go of all my feelings, im telling everyone why, no mysteries at all, this letter is for you or whoever else finds it. explosion. sound explodes off the furthest corners. light particles shoot through the air.you dont wanna know why i did this, you cant prevent a fire burning me consuming m. i scream i call i reach. one time acquaintances in love forever. cared=past tense with sorrow that reaches in from deep inside wrenching my heart and forming it with the only truths i know. why is the world so messed up. why couldnt the people with the white bus with the red lights save me? im at home in a crowd because im smothered by myself. these walls are closing in. lets play houdini so i can escape that place where they keep my body and my mind wanders into your world, the happy meadow where our identities were lost and the world is ending ending ending. the end of time, the abscence of light, the omniprecence of color, the emptying of hearts, and the solace in sound. you beat my soul down, if you take what makes me feel alive, is that murder? my veins are still pulsing i think but youre killling me too young. too much left to do. you make fun of my for being nieve, but how much can i possibly absorb when im staying inside the same hundred square feet?
everyones heart doesnt beat the same
"the motto was just a lie/ it said home is where your heart is/ but what a shame/ 'cause everyones heart doesn't beat the same/ its beating out of tome" - green day, jesus of suburbia
This morning i woke up on the floor of my aunt's neighbor's house in Dallas with no recolection of why i was there. the previous morning, i woke up at my lakehouse, and before that, my grandmas house, before that: her couch.I'm tired of sleeping on strange beds/couches/floors/dorm rooms/tents I've been living out of a suitcase for the past month now. Yes, summer thusfar has been a crazy nomadic-type situation, leading to me meeting dozens of new people. Collecting names and numbers that I doubt i'll ever use again. Why do we do this? Long distance anything doesnt work out unless you share blood ties. So with all the places I've been, this leads me to wonder about the concept of home. Just what is "home", anyway? Like when someone says "im tired, lets go home" where are they headed? the place they keep their stuff and sleep most of the time? the place they feel the safest and most comfortable? mine: at a concert, singing along with the crowd. Thats what makes me feel the greatest. You put yourself out there. You're screaming out your pain and your insecurities along with your joy and triumphs. but it doesnt make me feel scared or embarrased, i feel so conected and moved: everyone else is feeling it too and they're singing along with me. then you get pulled/pushed (or sometimes you just jump) into the mosh pit and you get beat up but its okay cause its willing. just like when youre singing with the crowd. youre saying "this is me, and if you dont like it: too bad. cut me down. reduce me to nothing. i'll be okay. I'm doing the same thing to you. I feel connected to you and i love you in a sense that strangers do. I trust you." and sometimes you get pulled out by a stranger that says "OH MY GOSH! are you OKAY?" and you look at him, laugh, and jump back in. you cant waste time. you have a set of bruises waiting on you with your name on them.
Concept of family: what is it? for me, i'm lucky enough to have two: my parents and brother (and the whole crazy relative crew) , and the whole Rockesh crew. brendan, evan, mendel, larry, andre, and smythe. then kaitlin and katie on the rare occasion when they come hang out with me at the el torreon. because family equals owning your embarrasing baby pictures and making midnight runs to steak and shake with you.
One day i'm going to own a big messy house with random decorations and stuff everywhere like in that movie Running With Scissors, and everyone is going to come live with me. We will buy the El torreon from the city and play our instruments and wear costumes everyday. You want to be superman today? then be superman!
So I extend this invitation to the Rockesh family. I'm a little short on cash, but we'll pool our funds and call a real estate agent.
I can hardly wait. NO MORE STRANGE BEDS!!!! WOOO!!!!
down the rabbit hole
Words.
All I have are words.
But theyre good for nothing
Nothing at all.
She had not the slightest idea what latitude or longitude was but she thought they were nice, grand words to say
It makes me feel so empty inside
I wish I hadnt cried so much! Ill drown in my own tears!
Theres definitely something missing
The world just melts into this grey blur
Curiouser and curiouser!
Im so empty that Im numb (or hypersensitive, take your pick)to everything and everyone
They all have each other but al I have is words
Where is the color, the life, the sound that they all talk about?
A grin without a cat!
I guess I wouldnt know, its all the same and nothing ever changes
Nobody knows individuality, its all the same.
There is not such thing as life
Were all just robots incapable of feeling
so dont try to tell me that I dont know whats going on
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was managing her flamingo
Theres not really such a thing as love, is there?
Its all just a lot of mindless effort and for what?
How is a raven like a writing desk?
So you can break of all communication of them?
So you can find someone else in which to share your grayness with?
No, the real problems arent the wars or the poverty, or the disease,
The real problem is that were all too dead to sense it
What if I should go out altogether, like a candle?
But yet if all I have is words,
Then hopefully someday,
someone will come to their senses so that we all can feel alive again.
Tied around the neck of the bottle was a paper label with the words DRINK ME
But how can we miss what we never had?
musicianfreak2004
hehe nice!! ya babysitting can be much more difficult
but oh well!! not everyone likes their jobs lol!!
posted Apr 23
musicianfreak2004
ahhh working isnt so bad, u get to buy what u want, and
do what u want with ur own money!! i just drove to
dallas yesterday to go shopping and have fun it was a
blast!!
posted Apr 22
musicianfreak2004
thats awesome, ya i play by ear so it comes naturally
to me, so it shouldnt be 2 difficult lol!! so how was
ur week?
posted Apr 19
musicianfreak2004
violin awesome, i want to learn how to play that now!
is it pretty easy or hard??
posted Apr 16
R o d r i go C h a o t i c !
HI CUTIE, YOU'RE GORGEOUS! :)
posted Apr 09
musicianfreak2004
hey whats going on? how are ya? thanks for approving my
friend request or add...so do u play guitar at all?
posted Apr 09
matty the banana
are you kk
posted Apr 04
matty the banana
hay bin ages im of to iceland for a week monday cnt
waite lol you
posted Mar 16