purevolume™

The saying 'you will never forget your first love' is so true.
Im over him. Dont get me wrong. But, he's still there, in my head, smiling at me.
I was stupid. He cheated on me almost every time we went out.
We broke up, got back together, broke up, got back together, but yeah...
It's all my fault because i was stupid enough to keep going back to him.
I was smitten.
He was a sweet talker.
And the way his lips formed his little cheeky smile i'll never forget.
I've observed his face so many times i can tell you exactly were that scar is, or that tooth that shouldn't be there, or his hands, and even thinking of this i'm tears right now.
He was such a jerk, but i miss him.

Some people can look back on their first love and smile, and feel so happy about it.
But that's because they had a good relationship.
I don't regret it. Any of it. But i still sit here wishing it was better.
The worst thing is that he's fucked almost every girl i pass in the street.
The girl in front of me in the canteen line.
The girl that dropped out of school.
That girl who i always looked up too.
The girl i was afraid of.
And im the most jealous person you'll ever meet, so even if he looked at another girl i'd want her dead.
And he screwed them.
I still went back to him every god damn time!

I hate all the memories. But i love them, the good and the bad.
I guess it shows i've felt something.
Im still feeling this. I sit here crying and remembering all this shit we did and all the laughs and cries and texts.

Knowing that he's made other girls feel the way i feel makes me feel ten times worse.. I was his first girlfriend in deni. I was his first girl.
I was the first heartbroken.
It shows that i didnt mean shit to him, cos when it was well and truley OVER between us, he did it to the next girl, straight away. I was flicked to the side.
I doubt he even thinks about me now.

I think about him alot.