PureVolume

so, i work at a movie shop....well first of all, its not much work, its more like watching movies and laughing at some of the people who go into the porn section. That is what this segment is about

/> I DUB THIS SEGMENT "TALES FROM BEYOND THE ADULT SECTION"....!!!!!!!!!!!! *note no one should be offended if theyre are in fact one of these people.....youre just SICK and need to get over it*

/> First, an 86 (estimate) year old man comes in and say" Ive noticed '# 13' has been out for a while, and i was wondering if it had been returned yet?". startled by the mans openness, i calmly say well, yes sir, it has been returned. would you like to rent it?" and in a very happy shout, he says "i'd LOVE TO RENT IT!" and so i got him his movie and hes about to leave in a plethera of joy, he looks back at me and says..... " i might be returning this VERY late!"

/> sickening!

/> second; this was my bad!; so this man goes in there and gets his movie. acting very flustered, he walks fastly over to the register, not making eye contact. alongside a regular movie he puts them down and begins to look around like hes NOT buying a freeking porn. i go get the porn and set it down so i may get the other movie for him, when i went back to the register i only had one movie... so i began to search. when i couldnt find it , i shouted to my co worker to help me almost shouting obliviously, "WHERE DID I PUT THIS GENTLEMANS ADULT MOVIE"....in the end we found it a,d rung him up. he walked out SOOOOO awkwardly and embarrassed. i actually felt bad for that one.

/> OBTUSE!

/> okay this one PISSES me off!!! so this idiot comes out of there and puts down his two regular movies and (FIRST MISTAKE) the WHOLE BOOK of porno slips (how we keep track our adult movies; organiztation) NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS! then, (SECOND MISTAKE) says "46" i calmly say, "is that your account #?", he responds,"nope" i say, " so you know youre account number?" and he says (THIRD MISTAKE) "nope" followed by a long pause......(most people, if they dont know their # they say their last name) so i finally ask him his name and ring him up for the two regular movies and he says "uhhhhh what about my 'other' movie?" and im confused BECAUSE (FOURTH MISTAKE) REGRETS TO GIVE ME THE SLIP........NUMBER 46! so after that i figured it out......he was a douche bag .

/> AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

/> this ones my last for now; i like this one because i got scared, so this guy comes in and goes directly to the porn section, no problem.......a half hour passes and i figured he left for i had not seen him in forever so, (since no one was in the store, i hate doing this in public) using the best possible moment to go return the porn slips from returned movies, i get to about five feet of the adults only door and there, the towering, burly man pops out and leaves.....guess yah had to be there, but it scared the shit out of me because i thought i was alone..........HE WAS IN THERE FOR HALF AN HOUR!!!!!!!!!!

/> ok so 86 year old man came in the other day, it was all kool at first; he went to the naughty section, he came out a little later nad ended up just renting a regular movie, he came up to check out and i noticed something, now HIS PANTS ARE COMPLETELY UNZIPPED!! i was sooooo freaked out! i could not look at him and i sort of rushed him out!

NEW! so i was sitting there this weekend, and my friend Anderson was in the store. A's neighbor comes in (big guy, kinda......DER!) so he goes in there and grabs a Video case (OK.....WEVE HAD THIS CONVERSATION BEFORE......TAKE THE CHIPS!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THE CASE!!!!!!!!!) i calmly say "sir, you need to put this back and get the Chip" he looks at me and says in a rather loud voice..."BUT I ANT THIS ONE" i respond wtih, "i know, but you need the chip...." and he says, "NOT FOR THIS ONE". A little impatient, i say "YES, you need a chip for that one just like the rest of the movies in there....". Just as i figured the man could not come out with a more ignorant answer, he says " I WANT THIS ONE" and puts the movie with a very tasteless cover in my face, i take it from his hands, muttering how ignorant people are, walk fast into the room not making eye contact with ANYTHING, ruffle through the book with my hand covered by a glove i happened to have with me (it IS pretty cold out), found the chip and rush out as fast as one can. finally the man looks at me, then the chip, then me again and says after a good 60 seconds, "OHHHHHHH...THAT CHIP! HA THANKS BUDDY"..........he checked out and left and all i can think is "' thanks buddy'? THANKS BUDDY!?!?!?!?!?!? i go in that room made for sickos and perverts, WHILSTE MY INNOCENCE SHOOTS OUT OF MY EARS.....AND ALL I GET WAS A ' THANKS BUDDY'!?!?!?!? AS IF DIDNT JUST GO INTO THE ASS CRACK OF HELL THAT IS "THE ADULT SECTION"" well lets look at it ths way, I DIDNT SEE ANYTHING, i kept my eyes closed the whole time until i had to find the chip, which there is no pornographic material near. so im still a tad bit innocent.

So, This southern man comes in the other day, and buys two porns, so i was already like......"o pleez do something wierd so i can post it on Purevolume so i can grant you embarrassment amongst my emo/hardcore friends for years to come!". so he comes out with his two digusting pieces of trash and i ring them up and get him his movies, he pays (and since i already put them into the computer and printed his check, there is no way of getting his money back) i hand him the movies and he replies, "im sorry this one a DVD, i cant watch it."........i say " well you can go get another but i cant take away the price of the DVD". he agrees and dives back into the abyss of sadistic ponographic material. he grabs another movie and asks "is this a DVD?" and i say "Yes, the movies with #50 and up are DVDs" so he goes back and, obviously, this man is not familiar with numbers. he comes back with yet another DVD and asks "is this a DVD?", i reply"YES". after about (not kidding) 7 tries, he finally gets a VHS! success! so afterwards, i was a little angsty, but it was subsiding, he was aobut to walk out of the store and he asks, "how long can i keep these?" and i say, "five days", and he says "well these are going to be a few months late because im going back to alabama tomorrow".........okay, why would you rent movies knowing that youre going F#$%@n halfway across the US the next morning!?!?!? WHO THE F$#% DO YOU THINK WE ARE?!?! NETFLIX!?!?!? i was peturbed the rest of the night"

hey! so, i was sitting down, because im lazy, and this man walks into the "goodies section", about 10 minutes later, the man comes out with (not kidding) two hands, baring a great pile of chips (like, at least 15) "ARE THESE FOR SALE!!?!?!?" the overly excited man asks, and i relpy with a simple,"no...." and he turns around. "damn it!" he exclaims as he walks back into the room, returning ALL of the movies back to the book; from whence they came.

AHHH! what a lovely day: Birds singing, freshly plowed snow, and ADULT MOVIE SALE DAY!!!!! yes, thats right folks, one of those scarce days where we buy new Adult movies, and sell the older ones (one of my favorite days, for i know something peculiar WILL happen). A man walks into the room with two bags. after an extended period of time, he comes out......not kidding.....WITH TWO BAGS FULL OF MOVIES!!!!!!!!!!BIG BAGS!!!!!!!!! he pays for the movies and as he is about to depart he exclaims "THIS WILL BRiNG MY COLLECTION UP TO 300!" imagine....three hundred motion pictures of pornographic material.......WOW!!!! thats like........six hundred hours of playing with yourself whilst watching a movie.......think about it......

So, this kid comes in with his dad. Now, this kid is about 4 or five because he's just learning how to read. so theyre walking through the store and he's reading the names of the movies, "the illusionsist, and that one says little miss sunshine..." and it was so cute when he tried to pronounce, "requiem of a dream" and couldnt. so anyways, the dad, after countless read movies, decides he really needs an adult movie. so before he can go in, he has to decide where he should put his newly literate child....thinking.....thinking...*then, his great epiphany came to him*, " I'LL JUST TAKE HIM IN WITH ME". He picks up the child and they go in. its been about two minutes since they've gone in and it's been relatively silent....then in the most curious voice i have ever hear, the little kid exclamates, "BACKDOOR....TO.....BUTTSVILLE....what does that mean, Daddy?!!?". At this point, i am histerically laughing, and the dad is doing his best to shut the kid up, but the kid keeps asking "WHAT DOES BACKDOOR TO BUTTSVILLE MEAN!!?!?!?". when they came out and rented their movie i could NOT stop laughing. the man found it semi-humorous, but VERY embarrasing.

this one isnt amazing but i thought it was funny. so, these two robust women come into the store. they look around for a really long time. the older lady goes over to the adult section and stands outside of the doors. she stops. then i didn't think it was abig deal so i looked away. then i hear her wail as if she just got stabbed in the pelvis with a spear. and she starts crying histerically. then the younger lady came over and had to pry her off the doors saying, "you dont need one today. LETS GO!" and she left crying. i dont know why she was so upset over a porn, and its probably bad that this amazingly funny, but it was and i could not stop laughing. am i a bad person?

So this guy comes in and he wants to rent an adult movie. he goes into the room and takes FOREVER!!!!! no problem though, i was having a fantastic day. he comes out to pay and as i give him his movies, he says, "you know these arent for me" and then i said, "alright" normally. so, he gets red in the face and says, "no...REALLY" so i said, "OK, i hope youre friend has a wonderful time". and he says "I AM NOT A CREEP!". and so said "ALRIGHT". i dont know why he was so paranoid. i dont care if you rent a weird movie just be quiet about it!!!!!. O my GOD!!! do you think he read this and tried to save his own ass by making it seem like he wasnt buying it for him but in reality, just making it more obvious that he was excited that night.?!!?!?!??!

So this nice looking family comes into the store and the two perents go into the "room" the kids are just running amuck. first off, this is creepy because this is a couple going in there. second the kids are annoying because they are running amuck. so the ycome out a porn to buy and the kids run to them, "Daddy! what did you get?" and he replies, " finally legal #13" (oh these kids are like seven) so as they pay me, another man walks in and asks "do you have ass blasters seven?" and i say " nosir, sorry". he pauses for a second then starts a swearing tangent..... "!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@". the kids look at him like he had two heads. at this point, i dont know if i should yell at the guy for swearing or if i should inform the parents that hey were stupid to expose their kids to porn at such a young age.....so i kept completely quiet.........most awkward moment of my life.

disturbing....

/>thanks if you read, i liked these stories and hoped you did too. comment! ^-^

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