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"chin up, spooner"

"Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it." -Henry David Thoreau

you have no idea what a gifted person.

you have no idea what a passion to teach.

you have no idea what a creative mind.

you have no idea what a dedicated soul.

you can take every bit of everything you think you know, and you can do what you have to do to make the government happy and the staff happy and the city happy and people happy.. you can post all the pictures, you can report all the news, and you can scream all of the bad and hide the 20,000 times more good. you can make him look like a monster ..

but you cannot take away our knowledge.. the things we know now that we didn't before. all of the ways we've learned to learn. you cannot take away the reserved spot in all of our hearts and the respect we have that will live until we don't. it's why we looked forward to being there.. and one of the reasons i could get up so early every morning. i knew that atleast one someone that was not one of us understood us... because us was not so long ago.. he didn't forget. he knows how we think and how we absorb.

and though you'd never read this .. i'm writing it because i dont know when i'll get to tell you. you mean a lot to me ... to a lot of us. and no matter where you go or what happens from here... we think nothing less and you are loved.

"Carpe diem." if i would've known yesterday was the last day i'd hear "chin up spooner" as i passed your door... i would've taken the chance to tell you then.. i would've "seized the day". but thank you for teaching me that.. thank you for everything.

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///Monty Are I and a Super Bowl Sunday.////

I have been waiting for about a month to see a band I had only ever read about and heard on PV. Though I expected a pretty nice amount of people would show... It seemed like the rest of the world was going to Super Bowl parties... whether it be to watch the game or get trashed. my friend Sophie and I left the house in the same thing we were wearing the night before...late... in the fucking cold... to stand in front of an amazing band. The later it got, the more people left... and we stood in the back quietly... knowing the best was yet to come. I was quite content with the small crowd, althogh i wished it was bigger for their sake. It was so rad... they could talk to us without the mic... and we sang our hearts out. The horns were amazing.. and lovely screaming guitar solos for days. I hope they'll come back to Tallahassee again soon... I've heard they were playing warped [which would be sweet]. But nothing compares to a small room with a stunning band playing to 10 of their biggest fans who will be in front of them whether they're at the Beta Bar or featured at the Super Bowl half=time show. the strangers.. the connection.. the music .. the love. <3 Definitely the best sunday night ever.



Go listen.... purevolume.com/montyarei


MONTY ARE I

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>>>Chapter 2. Destruction. Love. Reconstruction. A getaway.<<<

"Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know."

Transition I guess is the best way to explain it. A good one, I do blieve.

After a year of seperation, my parents will officially be divorced this upcoming week. Also with the week comes the final sale of the only house I ever remember living in. A beautiful castle of a 2-story farm house complete with a barn, a trampoline, a pool, 3 cotton fiels, a few dirt roads, a garden, 3 cats, and memories... a move to a small apartment on the second floor of a business in down town. i'm not complaining.. just a little sad. I'll be sharing a room with my best friend which will be interesting and pretty cool i think, maybe aggravating sometimes, but mom and i ... we can get through anything. We have a six month lease and none of us know where we're going from there. Perhaps tallahassee so that i can graduate in florida... perhaps we'll stay for another year... perhaps california... perhaps hawaii ... And with the end of a school year from hell comes the summer of a lifetime. I'm pretty positive I'll be training with either Ballet Austin, State Street Ballet, or Long Beach Ballet for summer this year. It's going to be hard not to go back to atlanta ballet... it stole my heart. And soon I'll be graduating... what am i going to do, you ask? well.. i don't know.. none of us do... chasing my dreams is what I tell everyone. which includes comtinuing to dance, playing music, and making the best of whatever life brings, living like there's no tomorrow... having a blast. maybe going to college... maybe not. A music business degree sounds lovely if I do go to school.

But before all of this thinking and planning and wondering and dreaming... my Grandma will be leaving us. She is awful sick... expected to be here only for about another week or so.... cancer. What a beautiful person and beautiful soul. I've learned so much from her, and this past week I wrote her a song in a grave attempt to give back to her some advice i'm sure she has once given me and to tell her how much I love her. The room cried and that's what I wanted... I wanted them (and her) to understand how much I care about her and how thankful I am to have a chance to say goodbye. She looks great and she still talks... which is all any of us could ever ask for.

And all of a sudden AP U.S. History becomes not so important. And talking on the phone doesn't matter and neither does the next episode of Gray's Anatomy.

What matters is love and life and laughing and surrounding yourself with people and things you adore and visiting places that you've only ever dreamt of. And so most of us live on... we go to school or work, come home and crash on the couch, and eat, and sleep and get up and go to school or work. hold true to striving for the American Dream. But some of us, we run after dreams... we trade what we might want right now to have something we want most on down the road... and we live with no regrets... and we do the un-thinkable. And we die... just like the others... only satisfied with the knowledge and love that we gained from those years of truly living.

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curtain call, Joey.. dear.

ohh.... boy you fucked up.

I never really worried about it... him being out on the road [around other girls]. The idea didn't bother me too much. I trusted him is I guess what i'm saying. But it happened... temptation won him over. and then he broke up with me for whatever is out there. I'm not happy. not at all. i'm single... and i'm hurting. but i'll be alright. i'll have to be. everyone tells me i don't deserve that and that my prince will come.... but ooohh am i tired of waiting. i suppose good things DO come to those who wait. so i will. however long it takes.

this mess is making some lovely songs.... hopefully i'll be with steve in the studio soon and you guys can hear. :]



"Tell me honestly, did you ever really want this?"

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