PureVolume

Well MAN...about ME! It all started long, long ago. 5 minutes more long ago by the time you are finished visually inhaling my life story. 10 if your gay and suck at reading. Maybe more, maybe less. I don't know. I'm not done with the story yet. If you would so kindly let me skip the small talk and let me begin, we may just finish this puppy up before lunch people. So...conception. We all know how babies are made and I, therefore, am not going into a conversation about my parents private parts...actually wait a minute while I vomit. Back. Now, where was I...ah...the wonderful conception...so all that rumbling and rambling happens when POOF! Mommy takes an EPT test and it's not the color it's suppose to be. Daddy freaks out and taps some married chick that works for him and mommy finds out...she's not happy...and you know what? Neither am I...So, mom and I...we stick together for this and we both eat a whole shit load of hagndos. My brother who was 7 at this time is just crushed. Gotta feel bad for that poor little boy who still doesn't have a daddy...thought he had one and all he got was just some fuckin' little brother to remind him of his insecure childhood. He would soon get back at me with a fork. Anyways. So a few months later I'm born and damn am I a fat kid. I live in Madison and move to DePere when my mom finally realizes "wow. i got robbed like 4 times, now i have another kid, and my life is sucks here." So...we moved. For me that was the best thing that ever happened to us. Things were great in that town. The kids were nice (except one in preschool who i'll get to later) and the sites were sweet. We moved in to some big houses and all of our close relatives were right there....AWEsome. My mom got shit for child support from both of our dads but it didn't matter cuz she had a high paying job for the city and everything rocked anyways...pre school. I used to take dumps in my pants so I could go home...i hated that place my first year. This kid would throw blocks at me. OW i'd say. he didn't care. He was a meanie head. I didn't like him one bit. Nor did i like having to poop my pants everyday. The next year was cool tho...I met some cool friends and still used my binkie. I had that thing until age 8. I loved it man. I loved my brother for taking it out of the trash for me everytime ma would say "you gotta grow up buddy" i didn't care tho. I needed that. There was one day at preschool when i turned to a kid when i had drool on my face and i said "uh...this isn't from my binkie...umm...i just drooled last night...that's all...trust me" he said "dude...your fucked up. i dont care." actually i dont think he said that. but i think that's what he was thinking. Well skip some court hearings with my brother's dad who we'll refer to as SICK from now on...and my brother his now with SICK and only comes home every other weekend. Now...since my brother can not get into any sports or activities and has SICK as a parent...you could understand how much he probably blames his mommy for this and how he hates everyone. He definitely got into some punk rock! Now me...I'm about 6-7 now and I'm still chillin' with my mom listening to country when I start doing EVERYTHING like my brother...soon 311 and Dead Kennedy's turned into MC Hammer and very little of my own style which consisted mostly of Hanson. So...Hanson with my friends and MC Hammer with my brother along with some Sir-Mix-A-Lot here and there. I loved rap and would soon be introduced to my good friend bass. Before then tho. My brother and I were playing video games in our awesome room that had to be kept clean and we couldn't have food in there. He did ne ways tho and hid a fork under a blanket. He won the video game and I didn't...I hated that. We fought. Fork went in my knee when i knelt on it. Stitches...still got the scar. it's awesome. So...who's my mom dating while im in this crazy music/fork stage? A LOT OF PEOPLE....but not at the same time. I had some kick ass babysitters in my day tho...but anyways...One of her "Classy Guys" finally got us to move out of that kick ass town. We stayed with him...and I bet you can guess what happened next...i'll give you a hint. not sex...well sex...yeah...annoying sex...but he had his tubes tied so what's the next thing that could happen? Did i hear engagement? YES. That's right. You, in the red shirt. So. I didn't like this guy. My mom got in a bad car accident 10 days before the wedding even happened...which saved me from him...but also brought a whole new outlook on life to an 8 year old in 2nd grade. Seeing my mom in that hospital bed half dead was probably the worst thing I have ever had to do in my entire life...but she made it and thank god for that. If you don't have your mom...you dont have anything. You ALL remember that...I dont care who you are..anyways. Guy WAS a dick...and redneck...fucker didn't even know how to make mac n cheese...ask me if im serious? HELLZ YEAH IM SERIOUS! i told him i'd help he said "git r dun!" "wait...actually no...dont do it...lets go to mcdonalds" So that's what i ate...for months and months...I lived on pepsi, jacks pizza, mcdonalds and a little family restuarant/bar that his cousin owned. Ice too...but that's just cuz i always loved ice. still do...so as you can imagine. i got fat. REALLY fat. I didn't have many a friend...a girlfriend of course...but not many friends...so when he hit her while she was still her her back brace we moved in my with my girlfriend for a while and her family...that was the coolest thing ever. That's when I experienced making out for the first time...you know...when you both brush your teeth right away then act natural about y u just did that and then sneak around to a room and make out...It happens to the best of us. So...keep moving...they turn out to be bad people too...but before i tell you what they did...i have to tell you that this is the year i met my friend kyle...he wasn't my friend yet tho. I was a douche bag...but he was even more gay...he was like 5 feet tall in 2nd grade, with a deep ass, adult voice and he still picked his nose...as you can imagine...he looked like a douche next to my fat ass. but they stole from us and we move to a house provided by the church...crazy stuff happens there too...my hand made picnic table (mind you, my only memory from DePere that i still had left) got taken from college kids and most likely used as fire wood. Continue on a bit further and you get to my family's first house in whitewater...it's a duplex and we rent. Owners...also assholes but i bet u guessed that already. While we were at this house tho, I was slowly moving up the popularity level and meeting more people. I played more sports and got more involved. Kyle invited me to his birthday party (yes...he still picked his nose...this is 5th grade now) and that was so much fun I never wanted to leave...i never wanted to go either...but i did anways and I had a killer awesome time...we watched Kung Fu. Sweet! We moved tho...again and are now living in a not duplex but we are still renting. House looks like a dump on the outside but it'll do for now... it's still in the same crappy town mind you, I'm entering freshman year next year...That's pretty sweet. I got mono a few months ago...that took care of a lot of the extra poundage and kyle and I are still best friends and i must report that the nose picking incidencts are much less frequent now. I do have many more friends and I'm a cool kid. I told you a lot about the bad...but there's cool in life everywhere man...I just wanted some sympathy so you might like me more...that's all...Sometimes i try to impress people with my overpowering acts of braveness. BOO emo...Emo kids suck by the way. Always will...I'm looking forward to the last OYF show as it will be my first....my first punk/ska show actually...if you dont count flogging molly! man they kick ass. Saw them with kyle at summerfest...that was most definitely a high light...im in to all sorts of music now...everything man for you must stand for something or you will fall for ne thing. Looking forward to meeting all those kick ass rosendale people and skanking my ass off. But the most recent thing i did...you must hear...Kyle and I went to six flags again and that kicked a lot of ass! man we rock...then we went home and went to taco bell that soooo hit the spot...it was way better than harold and kumar...then we made a slip n slide the next day with a raft, body gel, and a hose...that was cool. went to the beach and were quick handed pirates on galactic river quests!!! it was a lake tho...but that's what we said at six flags...and whenever they blew their whistle we yelled "buddy check one!!!" fun times...kyle thinks of most of this...but what would he do without his right hand man weston? NOTHING! That's what he'd do...but together we can do ne thing. Not anything actually...we have some restrictions...but we will have fun...whether we are camping with his dad being separated for 7 hours or staring at wall making awesome gestures...whatever it may be man. I ROCK! so does he! AND WE SAW FLOGGING MOLLY! P.S. Before i thought about the beginning of this i had to poop. I was looking for a pencil and paper so i could multitask when i farted. I then found out it was a shart on my lucky boxers. They are not so lucky anymore and they smell bad. Now i am wearing itchy boxers that suck! damn! but i STILL SAW FLOGGING MOLLY!!!! So, time to update this little bitch. I do not recall the moment when I sharted in my boxers, but I do find it funny and thus it will be staying on my bio. Since then, I still do have my lucky boxers. I just wore them the other day, in fact. Also, I have seen many more shows including Streetlight Manifesto, Reel Big fish, Something To Do, Mustard Plug, The Toasters, The Wisconsin Badgers Marching Band, Suburban Legends, Skaput!, and many, many more. I really like oranges, and orange juice, as well as zebra cakes, pizza rolls, drumsticks, and gum. I also enjoy an occasional glass of ice. I began cleaning my room the other day and found an amazing 8 dollars lying in a wallet that I never use anymore. That pumped me up so much that I ran downstairs, grabbed the phone, called Crystal and said "I found 8 dollars in my room." Crystal, you must hear about her. You don't know who she is because, simply, you don't know who she is. Crystal is Greek. Now you know. That is all about her. That and she's pretty cool. Kelly on the other hand, wait no, she's cool too. Really cool. Now, moving on. this story is about me, not my peeps. Peeps. Good word there. I don't like it. I can say that because it has to do with my vocabulary so don't get all over my shit. Just just like I can say that I feel that the words "aunt" and "cunt" should rhyme. If you don't understand why, I find it necessary that you relieve yourself from the computer, go find a brick, throw it at your face, return, and look at the words again. Not really. Don't do it. I hope you finish reading this before you just got up and went to go find a brick. Man, that would make me feel guilty...but enough about you. When I'm thirsty, I drink water. I'm not a big fan of soda or juice. Kool-Aid can act as an alternative sometimes though, if the mood may strike. I have a rather large fro, and I need a haircut. That is all...for now.

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