PureVolume

Well..heres the story...Back in the day my mother (who we'll call X9) and my father (well call him primus) did the most unthinkale deed ever: they fucked. Now i cant be certain this happened, because i wasnt there, but from what ive gathered from science text books, helath class, and the occasional porno, vaginal penetration is how a human baby is conceived. So they humped and months later... KABOOM! I popped out of the womb like a fuckin' missile. Now, ive heard rumours that when the doctor gave me, al wrapped up in a hospital blanket, to my mother to hold she looked at me and i smiled, on the very moment i smiled, thunder echoed ominously in the backgorund. This s the story my uncle claims to be true, but i wouldnt trust him seeing as how from the time he went to college to threre years after i was born he experimented constiently with hardcore drugs. So i was born, i grew up, and somewhere along the lines i got pottytrained. Nothing really intersting happens for awhile....my parents divorce, they remarry (but not to eachother) My Stepdad (we'll call him T-Rex) married my mother and they-yes, you guessed it-fucked. 9 months (it seems to be coincidence that all my siblings were born 9 months after conception...) later my retarded little half sister came out covered in goat fecies. Primus (my old man) married this lady, my stepmom (lets call her "Number 723") and she put out two little cunt-seeds, my half-sisters. Many moons later X9 and T-Rex decide to move to a small hick-town reffered to by the locals as "whitewater" (whatever, i just call it fucksvillie) Around the time they move here im in 2nd or 3rd grade. Seeing as how i didnt have any friends before we moved, i was not struck by grief but filled with a sense of adventure...that is, until i saw our new place. A ghetto-ass duplex in the middle-of-fucking-nowhere. I immediatly turned to my mom who was driving the U-haul and (in my adorable innocent "mommy, can i have a lolly-pop?" voice said "Fuck this." My mom didnt hear me because she had the radio on and she-to this day-claims it never happened. What little she knows. So we arrived there and unpacked. I called dibs on the first floor room and no one cared.I got the room and was like..."fuck...." because the only furniture i had was a fish tank (with no fish. just water and those gay little fishy-planty-things) and a bean bag. I soon aquirred more by going over to the neighboring house (which was conviniently attached to ours)and kifed everything i could fit in my little red wagon:a bed, a stove, a television set, three cushins to a couch, one box of cereal, two cats and a lamp. Having pimped-out my newly found home, i walked around for a bit. This is when i saw my first wombat.I was walking through the woods when i saw an odd mammal sitting on a branch in a tree. I wanted to get a better look at it so i shook the tree. It immediatly burst into flames and fell to the ground. It just lay there as the flames dwindled down to nothing. I just stood watching it for awhile, too shocked to move, until about 5 minutes after the flames went out. Then as i took a step toward it, it jumped up and ran away. Actuallly, now that i think aout it, im not sure it was really a wombat.... So this was my life until 6th grade in which i enterd the whitewater middle school as well as puberty. 6th grade brought on much change, i was now mixed in with children from all three of whitewater's elementary schools. I still was considered a loser as i still picked my nose (i know most of the shit i wrote is fucking around, but this is a true story. I did pick my nose until 7th grade) no one even wanted to talk to me. "fuck them" i thought. I started getting into punk rock right about this time. It all fit considering I was a social outcast. So this is how life continued until the summer going into 8th grade. I went to my first show that summer, some local band called farewell to twilight. I went there and saw people moshing ad was like "fuck yeah,i want to run around and push people who havent done anything to me" so i did. it was fun. This was also the summer i met two of the coolest people you will ever meet: Sam and The Ever Infamous Spoo. Meeting them fucking changed my life. If it wasnt for them id never of gone to my first punk show: OshMosh. A crucial night in my life's history and possibly the best night of my life. I skanked and moshed my ass off. It was also the day i met manders....theres not much to say about her....shes real undescribable....but cool shit. Anyways, at the end of the show i started an encore chant for "I Voted For Kodos"...Offend Your Friends also played and they kickass. Awhile later....June 2nd to be precise (it was a friday) i got out of schol early and got a ride to rosendale. I hung out at their dance for a bit (it was there last day of school) then the principal told me to leave so i hung out with these odd chicks...one was this kid named casey's girlfriend. Then school finally got out and we (Me, Sam, Babyface, Spoo, and Miranda) walked to sams house so he could change. Cuz hes so vain. So he changed and we walked back to spoo's place and all piled in her parents' Urban Assault Vehicle. Somehow along the way Manders and Katie got in thee too, but i dont remeber how. While we were driving to Fondie (Fond Du Lac) Manders was telling me not to talk and she didnt want to hea my voice anymore....because i was making innappropriate comments...So we got to the Legion Hall and waited around forever until the show finally started. I dont remember who played first. Nor do i care. It was pretty much boring for awhile, just hanging around on the couch and chairs in the middle room of The Hall. While the first band was setting up, me and spoo were moshing and skanking. She hit me in the face twice. Cause she's a ho. We just sat around for awhile until the Finnigans played, maybe they werre first...i dont know. They were the first band we listened to anyhow. The drummer wore a kilt with no underwear so you could see his package. I was pretty excited about that. They were real good, lots of skanking going on. Then some other bands played and we skanked or went outsie and hung out or whatever. somewhere between SKAPUT! and The Yates Kids katie got decked in the face by this wet-back fucker named Ramone. Later she ended up going to a party with him though. Her and Manders. Oh, speaking of Manders....ok, there was this kid named Tanner at badstock and hes cool shit and all and she was all over him at badstock (no surprise there) and now they're going out...ok, so it wasnt the best story but i just thought you should know. So then badstock got shut down early because the Pigs came and broke up the fun. School got out. I survived Jr. high. Surprise, surprise. Summer came. hoorah. Summer fucking sucked until I saw Flogging Molly play at summerfest. They were amaze-core. I also met the little sister of Kev (the singer from OYF). Shes a ho (sorry Kev, but someone had to say it). Then i went to camp and fucked spoo (just kidding, but thatd sure beat the shit out of seeing Flogging Molly)

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