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SHAFTEDMYHEART
Age: 21
Location: Biltmore Lake, NC
Joined On: Aug 29, 2006
rawknrowlsoldier
Biltmore Lake, NC
bachrock
United States
xXxDrEaMiNg~Of~ThiSxXx
Saint Charles, IL
Sammythered
Biltmore Lake, NC
![Johnny Cash [the good profile]](http://g.purevolumecdn.com/cdnImages/crop_140x105/Artist-99218815-1545471.jpg)
Weave a story so enticing that the reader can't escape. Sing a song so beautiful that even the sirens couldn't match it's poetic grace. Paint a picture so glorious that any eyes, even useeing ones, would cry tears upon meeting the canvas. Dance a dance so fluid that time itself stood still upon its steady course to watch in awe. And....Get Goldbond, it bonded us!
How do you really feel?
I'm glad you asked. I feel useless and unloved.
But there's hope.
Maybe I can make a difference?
I want to. I want to kill apathy.
I want to heal and move mountains.
I want to be loved. I want to be wanted.
I want to be a good friend.
It looks like we're moving into resolutions now.
So here's what I'll do. For each resolution, three ways to make it happen.
1. I want to heal.
a memorize scripture.
b get some hs parties started.
c Read more books from reputable teachers.
2. I want to be a good friend.
a make and recieve phone calls despite hatred for phones
b leave messages
c spend time with folks
3. play piano
a save up money
b read up on piano
c ask heather about lessons
4 Get closer to God
a get plugged in again
b read bible/pray in the spirit each day
c journal every night
As for the being loved and wanted, I must love first and wait patiently on Jesus Christ.
I'm eighteen and in between.
Thankfully no one reads these because if they did I don't think that I would speak freely. I guess tonight I just want to express myself, not to inspire, apologize, milestone, or update. I just like the idea of a secret place. I guess sushi makes me think, because we just got back from wasabi after the leadership rally. I guess the post title says it best. I'm eighteen and in between. I'm crossing over from the world of teens to the adult world. There's so many things going on in my life right now that I couldn't even begin to explain.
I guess the first thing that I'm struggling with is the hopeless romanticism that dwells within me. I love making the choice of stepping into love. I want a husband who is a real man of God to romance me. Dancing, songs, movies...a husband who loves the romance just as I do. He has to be a real man though. A man who walks boldly in the power God has gifted him with, but is always compassionate. A man quick to defend a woman's honor. A prince charming, a husband who looks after his wife when she sick or even just when her feelings are hurt.... But he has to know himself and who he is before he ever seeks me.
I know in my heart whoever he is, he isn't ready. I know in my heart that I'm not ready either. But I pray for him often, as I hope he does for me. I guess I struggle with patience or the lack of patience. I know God put that longing in my heart, but just for a specific time. Unfortunately, this is not that time.
I'll finish the rest later....I'm incredibly exhasted...
Goodnight.
Now I can tell you!
The adults are giving the youth the entire church and every facility until the youth center is built. YAY! This means quality sound and video teams along with the cafe and the copious space of the sactuary. ROOM TO GROW! ROOM TO DREAM! We're going nationwide with our vodcasts! SO EXCITED!
RNATION IS GOING TO EXPLODE!
The Wave is Rushing in In, the TIDE IS TURNING.
God is doing amazing things in our church. I can't tell you what exactly it is until after Sunday but it is good. Some things that I can share with you are, one, that people are being healed by God. Two, that people's hearts are being healed by God. The wave is coming and we are well on God's way.
The tide is turning, this is redemptions hour.
In the midst of a world lost for love you are all we have now.
Healing:
God said, "If you listen, listen obediently to how God tells you to live in his presence, obeying his commandments and keeping all his laws, then I won't strike you with all the diseases that I inflicted on the Egyptians; I am God your healer." Exodus 15:26
40-41When the sun went down, everyone who had anyone sick with some ailment or other brought them to him. One by one he placed his hands on them and healed them. Demons left in droves, screaming, "Son of God! You're the Son of God!" But he shut them up, refusing to let them speak because they knew too much, knew him to be the Messiah. Luke 4:40
Can I just?
Today I'm glad everyone is addicted to myspace, because I just want to have a quiet place to write; my own little cyber nook to journal. I want to write today and the urge is growing inside of me. It's been such a long time since I could breathe my heart into my words due to the creativity killers.....i.e. essays. haha. I want to but it's been so hard to. Four years of journalism almost stomped the passion for words right out of me, but I've always thought in words. Life is more beautiful that way, I think, if you can identify the poetry in everything. A single glance can display the things that only words could ever describe. Jealousy, adoration, heartbreak, fear, despair, longing. Right now I think longing is the most beautiful of these things I've listed. Longing has to be the most poetic, the most tragic when it isn't returned. Love unreturned is a treacherous murderer; it is cold, cruel, and oblivious to the victim's pain. Longing always reminds me of rain, though I can't explain why. I remember once I stood out in the dusk with rain falling upon me and cars passing by with the swish they always make in a down pour. That was something I had always wanted to write about. Rain and the beautiful sound the passing cars make as they drive away to wherever. I love a good rain. I love it even more when it's suprising and thunderous. When it comes so fast that there's no time to run to shelter and hide away from the droplets. I love it when you have to walk with no umbrella because the rain was unwilling to wait for you to hurry to where you were going. I always make myself walk at a normal pace. I will NOT run in the rain, especially not in a particularly surprising and adventurous downpour, there's too much to enjoy. The world is trasformed when it rains. A "wonderland" if you'll excuse the cliche please, and thank-you. God's tears? That's what my mother always told me, and it bothered me to no end. Rain wasn't sad and I wasn't sad in it, ever, just a little cold. I always get cold when it rains whether I am in it or not. Even if I'm just watching it, but I can't hardly bear to do that because a good, solid, steady down pour is so difficult to come by. I used to stay out in the rain even in the thunder and lightning, though I had to sneak out to do it. But I just couldn't bear to miss the rain though the thunder and lightning shook me to the core. We used to have this big mulit-colored umbrella that I would twirl around and dance with by the side of the road. I used it so much, though it was twice my size, that it fell apart. The magic of the umbrella faded after that and the little girl that danced with the oversized umbrella was no more. Besides, the umbrella hid me from the rain and I certainly didn't need that. But enough of my silly rain memories. Are we the only creatures that hold memories for so long? Someone will answer that question for me one day. I'm always curious. I think I'll post this and start another because this could go on forever if I don't cut it off now.
Love.
