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Combining tenderness, romance, vengance, hope and despair, love and hate, my heart sinks deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit that seems to be spiraling downward making it impossible to be aware of my surroundings. My heart and soul scream for attention but there is no one to hear my cries, no one to ease the pain, nothing but a smear of dull colors that seems to be moving in slow motion. My stomach is turned inside out and upside down, and I want nothing more than to get myself out of this self dug grave and stop my head from spinning, it may just be the alcohol or it may be the way i feel whenever were not together, I wish that feeling would leave me alone. I hate losing sleep over this. I looked into your eyes and saw a future, a promise maybe. you can read my thoughts, your eyes burn a hole through me, as if you know everything there is to know about my mind and soul, and then you looks away, and when you looks again I see uncertainty. I see darkness, cold unwanted darkness, and it makes me feel numb all over, there is no escaping your piercing stare, there is no escaping the truth, there is no escaping reality, except when Im in your arms, thats when nothing else in the world matters, we are just joined as one, and thats when I feel most complete. I want to cry out. Tell you the truth about what I really want, I want to reach out to you, tell you the love I have for you will never die, is it so much to ask to not abandon me in a time of need? a time when all I want is a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold through all this madness? i want nothing more than to be called your girlfriend, et you have yet to ask for my hand,
what do i have to do to prove to you that im for real?
i hope you know how much i love you

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you know your in TROUBLE when.....

He stoped by everytime he was in the neighborhood. that look that he gave you from across the room. Putting your hand on his leg under the table when you knew it was obvious to everyone around you. How he suprised you when you least expected it. Everytime he came over you learned something new about him. Kissing evertime you got a chance. Wating by the phone cause he said he'd call. Finding out that he made you feel special. Getting butterflies in your stomach everytime you saw him. The way he noticed if you did something different with your hair. How he ran his fingers through it, and almost made you fall asleep. How he told you your beautiful without makeup but you knew hes lying . Finding out that maybe it meant something more. How he felt comfortable enough to cry on your shoulder and hold you when you cryed on his. The way he touched your face when he kissed you, that look in his eye afterward that reassured you that he'll be back. Finishing each others sentences. Always wanting him to sneak out in the middle of the night even when you saw him an hour before. How he told you he missed you without really saying it to look cool in front of the guys. You could rely on him for anything, he always kept his promises. How you missed him whenever he left the room. The way his hair looked after you messed around. Walking out of the room five minutes later as if nothing happened. How he trusted you enough to share with you his deepest thoughts and emotions. Laughing about how the rest of the world was so ignorant. Experiencing new things together. Excepting each others differences and supporting each others dreams. When you realized that you became a better, stronger person since he's been in your life. How he made you feel like there was no one else in the world when you were in his arms. The moment you realized you love him. Finding out that maybe he felt the same way. Making love till the break of dawn. Spooning afterwards. Waking up the next day with a huge smile on your face. Anticipating the next time you get together. Trusting him no matter what. How you love every little thing about him (like how his voice gets all high pitched around your dog). The way he thought you looked cute when you got angry. How he forgave you for all the stupid shit you did in the past. How he loved you no matter what you did or said. The moment you realized things couldnt get any better. Discovering that you would do anything just to be with him. Taking it slow. Finding out you cant have things the way you want. Thinking things couldnt get much worse. Then they do. Things go downhill from there. You feel empty, he feels guilty, Secrets reveal themselves, jealousy strikes, anger rises, words are exchanged, tears are cried, hearts are broken, trusts shattered, friendships damagd, relationships lost. All in the blink of an eye. you would do anyting to take it all back, to change what you did and make everything better. Now you live life one day at a time. See where the road of life takes you. There's nothing you can do but cherish what was and hope that the best is yet to come.

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PUNK ROCK LOVE
Punk rock love is screwing behind the dumpster down the street from the show. screwing in the shower at the hotel carlton. making out in the recycle bin.Lookin at her tattoos while shes asleep. Taking showers together. Playing checkers with cigerette butts. watching her band play. Dumpstering veggies together and then goin back to her place and cookkin up a feast. Knowin the same parts of the same song. Both of u havng the same ex-girl friend. punk rock love is having to tie her shoes for her cuz shes to drunk. kissing under the overpass. Her sending u her whole diary to read. her giving u ten rolls of duct tape for ur birthday. Her beating up skindheads, going to prom on her motorcycle and chekcin in the helmets at the coat check. getting astonsihed stares from all the jocks who thought u were gay, now they feel dumb cause your with an older punk rock bombshell and theyre with their little friends sister. Punk rock love is meeting her outside the club and her saying come home with me or ill kick ur f*cking ass. going home with her n she almost kicks ur ass anyways. Sharing hairdye, riding double on a bike. being loud n not caring. Sneaky eyes and sleaveless t-shirts. The sun comnig up n u relizing that theres other people on the beach. A good sleazy one week stand, still being friends afterwards, most of the time. Punk rock love is her sneaking out in the middle of the night to meet u in the park. Running ur fingers over her spikey hair. Her chewing on a flower and u having to call poison control when her tounge swells up. Bringing her to the laundromat for a date. Sharing a sleeping bag and waking up freezing in the middle of the night and her bleary eyed trying to heat it up with a blowdryer. Social unrest playing "ever fallin in love?". At the gig youre both at after she dumos u hard. starting smoking again after that night. Punk rock love is her drawing on u. her sleepin on ur back. her being mad at u for being stupid a jerk. her thinkin its cool that u stink n ur hair stands up by itself. her having weird roomates who worship eggs. u waiting in the doorway for hours hopin she might pass by,even in the snow. her singing along with descendents records over the air on her late night radio show. her picture on the front page of the morning paper, getting arrested. her borrowing ur favorite black hat n never giving it back. punk rock love is finding a girl who drinks as much coffee as u do. going into the cafe where she works n she looksup and smiles and dosnt notice as she tips over a pile of 50 dishes. they hit the floor one by one and when its all done and everyone in the cafe applauds n u both turn red. Punk rock love is both of u doin fanzies, years later her teaching english to college fresh men, u still doin fanzies. her wearing glasses though her eyes are fine, usin crutches though her legs are fine, and talkinwith a fake speech impedement. u just thinkin its rad girl style, until later when someone brings up the concept of self imposed handicaps. Punk rock love is getting ur first kiss and almost losing ur virginity at the same time. meanwhile ur trying not to wake up the other person sleeping in the same bed. Groping in the bushes by the freeway n later u realize that all the passing cars could see u. exploring the wasteland together. holding hands out on the fire escape. lying in the grass in her backyard. lying on the astroturf in her bedroom. drinkin tequila on her porch, on ur birthday. riding on her motorcycle early in the cold morning n ur holding on tight n steam is rising off of the river n ur thinkin how she is maybe even better than the ramones. Punk rock love is both being broke. love letters. finding out she sang "stay free" at her highschool talent show. finding out shes a little crazyer than u though when u finally get her in bed. her boyfrind getting mad. walkin around with her n her nephew and everyone fgiving u dirty looks cause they think hes ur kid.walking around with her n being happy and proud. being sad together. being sad by yourself, missing him*.

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