day one [God send me an angel]
Posted April 21, 2008
well its my first day alone again..i have cried aprox. four times so far, thankfully not in school but after. last night i was okay until i turned on my radio just in time for the long distance nighty nights at the end of open house party.hearing people wishing their loved ones and best friends goodnight and saying how they loved them and couldn't wait to see them reali got to me. i dont know if i will ever see him again or if things will be the same. im just coming to understand alittle about what happened friday night and all the factors that ended things. its all been building up, everything i was forced to push back. i warned him. i tried to make things right so manytimes but im only one person and i can't have a relationship by myself. i need to know im loved, and that i actually mean something. i couldn't keep feeling like i was just there. that with or without me things were gonna be the same. its hard to have so many people around you but no one whose there. this isn't the first time im alone in life and im sure it won't be my last. i wish he could have understood it didn't have to be this way. i didn't want to go through this again. now as i sit here alone everything so final. in a perfect world hed realize what is going on and actually give a fuck and do whatever he could to get my back. if he loved me thats what hed do. i dont want to be alone but i cant force myself to be unhappy so that someone is beside me. anyone can "be there" but it takes alot more then just saying you'll be there to actually be there. i shouldn't turn the balme on someone else though because it comes down to the reality that if i was enough then he would have treated me better and wanted me in his life. and done anything to make that happen. hmm. lets find the bright side. at least he didn't cheat on me, as far as i know, though im still not to sure about spending the night at "leeda's?" house. i mean if she was that important i would have heard about her sometime in the past year and a half. i guess it doesnt matter now. now all i want is an angel to make the pain go away. but God hates me too so im pretty much just screwed. song/s: God send me angel by amanda perez Better then me by hinder With a broken wing by martina mcbride mood: depressed/crushed/alone
