PureVolume

I'm the best at what I do.

I'm in the mood for writing. So please sit tight as I gush about myself. Well, I do suppose that gush wasn't the proper word. I don't like to make myself any better than I am. But that makes me sound like I don't like myself. I truly do love who I am. I just have an incredibly indesiscive mind. I am way too concerned with how I am portrayed and what people see me as. I've held that concern in my mind for quite a while now and I've seen how it sickens me lately. I can be whoever I would like no matter what someone says. Gosh, that sounds like crazy teenager syndrome. And maybe this feeling might go away, but I sure hope that it doesn't. Like I mentioned, I wouldn't want to change who I am for a stranger. I've grown my life around the romance and spontaneity of living. I am so thankful for that and I can see it in the way I view people. I tend to ramble on about things of unimportance. Sometimes just to make myself seem strange to others and sometimes I just can't help it. I like being completely honest to mostly myself. It bothers me when I tell myself a lie. I'm actually really bad at lying. People close to me can usually tell me when I am doing it. Such as Karlea. She's pretty much an intense person in my life. I'd like to tell you that she's my best friend, but she's so much more than that. I can't really call her my sister from another mister because I've never really known what it's like to be close to a sister. So I guess we're just two people that know everything about eachother, love eachother to death, want to rip the other's throat out during that time of the month, wear the same clothes, like the same boys, have the same beliefs, disagree on stupid things, read the same books, listen to the same music, copy everything the other one does, and just simply can sit around not talking and still understand eachother. I am so thankful to have her in my life. I can't imagine a better person for me to be so crazyily close with. Another person that falls in this category has only about one difference. His gender. His name is Nic and I honestly think that he is the most incredible and amazing male on the face of this earth. Sometimes when I talk to him my heart swells up because I just happen to love him that much. I'm really excited because he lets me dress him and never judges me. That's a cool thing to me and I know, that if I wanted him to, he would scale a building for me. Woah, maybe not that far. But he'd do a lot of things. Like marry me if I'm not hitched by the age of 35. We'll grow old together, don't worry. While I'm on the subject of boys, let's talk. My expectations are high and lately, I've been worried that someone will never fill them. I suppose I'll see if God will grant my wishes. Want to hear them? Good, because I want to tell you. I want a boy in a band. I want his voice to be low and husky and his hair crazy and messy. I want him to whisper to me when we're alone and keep a normal head when we're not. I want him to sing to me even if he's not able to. I want him to make me things rather than buy me things. I want his heart to chase after God before it does after me. I want him to have normal feet and hands because I have this awkward thing with that. I want him to embarrass me when I don't want him to. I want him to bring out the best in me, rather than the selfish girly side. Too much to ask? I sure do hope not. Maybe you could tell me what's too much, but to be honest, it would be hard for you to shape my dreams. Funny things my dreams are. Some of them are hardset and unchangeable while others are sort of distant and fuzzy in my mind. I want to be barefoot when I get married and I want to live in a yellow house with a red door. Those are quite clear to me. But it's things like if I want to work for a magazine or if I want to own a coffee shop... those are really fuzzy. They have so many possibilities either way and sometimes I wish I have two lives to live. I get frustrated easily, but it's mostly because I'm a perfectionist that can't seem to do anything right. Like this whole thing I just typed out? I hate it because it's not perfect. It probably sounds cute and adorable and "Awe, she's kind of original." No, I'm not. That takes confidence and I'm still sort of working on that whole thing. At least I'm almost there. And now I'm sounding grumpy. I'm terribly sorry. I'm not a grumpy person, I swear. I'm actually really happy and I like talking to people and listening to their reasons. I smile a bunch because I have a God that loves me, friends that are absolutely hilarious, and a family that knows me better than I think that they do. So thank you, Lord. For making me..me. In the exact place that I'm supposed to be. :)

Leave a Comment