purevolume™

When I was 11 I had excepted God into my heart. Since then I fell away from the Lord. It started in 2005. I started having suicide thoughts. I was depressed for most of that year, and I really didn't wanna live anymore. I wasn't a happy person. but soon enough, that all went away. all those thoughts and stuff. Until recently. The day after I turned 16 I started feeling really depressed. First, I started skipping meals. I went to Alabama for a week and was hardly eating anything. and then when we got back from Alabama, it got worse. I started suicide thoughts again. and it was worse than in 2005. I was seriously thinking about how I wanted to do it. I was really wanting to cut myself. but I never did anything like that. but I was just mainly struggling with eating at the time. but now I'm pretty much over that. I still struggle with eating at times. and I hate eating out. I hate chocolate and ice cream. [not saying it's a bad thing though, it's a really good thing;-)]. but every time I eat out it just makes me not wanna eat anymore, or it makes me wanna make myself throw up [which I've never actually done by the way]. but now I'm still really struggling with being suicidal. I'm still depressed alot. and I still either cry myself to sleep, or just lay awake if I'm too sad to sleep or whatever. I try to hide my feelings most of the time when I'm in public. but it's hard. and I need help. my dad's helping me as much as he can. but mostly I just need prayer, and friendships. I'd really appreciate that.
-Amberlie

Dear Angel of mine,

Where do I start to express how I feel? Well, my love's gone blind, now all that I feel is what I hear. Your words rip and tear through my heart so weak and pure. Now I find myself wanting to die.

I bleed for the second time tonight holding, well, all that's in my mind. If only my love could be with you. If only this pain, this pain die too. I'll break you away!

As I sit here alone just thinkin' 'bout everything that you've said. You know since I'm alone, well, maybe after all I was better off dead. 'Cause without you, my life's gone down. What do I do when I find myself wanting to die?

Isn't strange how you became my enemy? Isn't strange how you became my enemy, from my angel to my enemy...and I don't know.

I'll break you away, away, away from me. I'll break you away, away, away from me...and I don't know.

Sincerely,
Yours
---April Sixth

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