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13th Night: The Untold Story

Act 1, Scence 1

Duke: Oi!!!! If music be the food of love, play on. No not that song you idiots! Don't we have any good music?
Curio: What would you like my lord?
Duke: Damn it Curio! I wanna listen to some scremo!
Curio: What about Olivia?
Duke: Yeah, she's hot. I still want to listen to that scremo. And get me a meatloaf.
(Enter Valentine)
Valentine: What's up boyee?
Duke: Hello Val...
Valentine: Flava Flav!!!!!!!
Duke: Okay.... What's up with Olivia?
Valentine: Her brother died but she doesn't give a shit. Now that's my type of woman.
Duke: Oh. Yeah. Well. Ahm. I guess she'll do. I mean, I've never met a girl who actually liked her brother. Whatever. I guess she's okay.
Scence 2
Viola: Where the hell are we?
Captain: Uh.... I think we're in Illyria.
Viola: *Thinking about captain " Oh damn you look hot." Uh, well I don't givae a shit about Illyria. My fking brother is dead! What the hell should I do?!?! This is bullshit!!!
Captain: Oh, there's no need to freak out. Just calm down.
Viola: Calm down? Calm down?!? I'm taking anti-depresents just so I don't calm down.
Captain: Oh.
Viola: Ugh! Who's the ruler here?
Captian: This one emo guy. He's like the Duke Smthing. Like Orsino.
Viola: Oh hey! My father knew him. He used to meet at his house on Tuesdays and Fridays. They would meet at our house on the weekends. I wasn't allowed to go upstairs, but always heard lots of noise. He was single then.
Captain: Oh yeah, he's now too, but he's like stalking this lady Olivia. He turned emo cause she wouldn't go out with him.
Viola: Sounds cute. Can I work for her?
Captain: Sorry, you can't. She's not hiring.
Viola: Then I guess I'll work for the duke. I do go both ways. I'll dress up as a guy.
Captain: Okay. I'm just not watching you change. I only go towords my same gender.

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