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Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Jeep.

Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.

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