vented.
Posted February 11, 2008
i have no idea why you're weighing so heavyly on my mind, or why it bothers me so much when we don't get to talk.
with just a couple of weeks and some nice phone calls, it really shouldn't be that way.
i'm disappointed.
not in you.
definitely not in you; just the little bit you've done has worked wonders in getting me back on my feet.
it's mainly the situation.
this whole time, i've expected something completely different than the events that've come to pass.
my expectations have never been reached.
come to think of it, when i met you, i expected nothing and those are the times i'd like to return to.
these expectations are weighing me down. by having them, i disappoint myself.
i keep them here because they give me the direction i so desprately need.
something to work towards...or something to fall short of, again.
yet again, i'm not sure where this hightened since of importance came from. i won't die without you.
but i've grown fond of the idea of having you here.
i'm putting myself out there, just to be your friend.
and i'm not getting much feedback.
it's discouraging to say the least.
this is me, warring with myself.
i just want to know what to do.
i won't depend on others anymore, but this is really hard to figure out by myself..
