Blog
vented.
Posted February 11 | Leave a Comment
i have no idea why you're weighing so heavyly on my mind, or why it bothers me so much when we don't get to talk. with just a couple of weeks and some nice phone calls, it really shouldn't be that way. i'm disappointed. not in you. definitely not in you; just the little bit you've done has worked wonders in getting me back on my feet. it's mainly the situation. this whole time, i've expected something completely different than the events that've come to pass. my expectations have never been… read more
and i mean this with the deepest sincerity,
Posted January 19 | Leave a Comment
fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. i say that not out of anger, but just because i can. the fact that i'm finally able to not care means i'm free. all of this on here; every single key i pressed on purevolume blogs up until this point, each word of every sentence-- it was effort put towards getting your shit out of my life. its not that i dont miss you. i actually wish i could say it would be possible for us to hold a simple conversation. but i'm better off without you. this is the end,… read more
geeze.
Posted January 1 | Leave a Comment
"The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. " when did the definition of want become so twisted? read more
as promised.
Posted September 5 | Leave a Comment
all day, i thought long and hard about what to make the list on. and i changed my mind severeal times. right up until this moment, when i decided not to make a list at all. i like everything about you. ahah, i'll elaborate later. if i feel like it. maybe im not in the mood for writing after all. read more
pain
Posted July 27 | Leave a Comment
its seems like the older we get, the more we have to take on. more pain. more hurt in place of hapiness. im starting to think there is no remedy for our sufferings, other than time. then, why do our wounds take so long to heal? we spend put a lot of effort into trying to get rid of pain these days. we're looking for a way to avoid the inevitable. maybe what we dont realize, is that we need pain. what if God has a purpose for all our heartache? i believe he does. read more
yeah
Posted July 19 | Leave a Comment
the giver is a good book. Im glad Ive never experienced real lonliness. Im glad that I have the potential to love, to fear, and even to feel pain. and Im glad I have the opportunities to share meomories with other people. no matter how isolated you feel, there's never a time in life that is ever truly empty. . read more
self control
Posted July 18 | Leave a Comment
am I never going to be satisfied? when I get a little taste of what I want, am I going to push it until I lose it all?? this is where self control comes into play. and if I want to keep myself out of trouble, Im going to have to work on mine. read more
stupid
Posted July 15 | Leave a Comment
things are so hard. and I dont have you here for me. not because of a choice you made, or a decision of my own, but because of somthing neither of us can control. I just want to talk to you. I miss you so much. and I know what needs to be done, why cant I handle it the way I see fit? that way, we could still have all those amazing conversations about nothing. we could smile and laugh like we used to before any of this happened. because they've closed their ears towards anything I have to sa… read more
keeping time
Posted July 14 | Leave a Comment
ahh! back from a week of Florida. and as strange as it sounds, i missed writing in this thing so much. I've finally found a place where I can record my thoughts and not feel like a little girl scribbling down secrets on journal pages that will just end up coming back to haunt me. this week has made me realize how important writing is for me. there are certain feelings you never want to forget those can be preserved in words decades longer than if left in short term memory files, bound to be… read more
wait it out
Posted July 14 | Leave a Comment
there are so so many things to write about. I wanted to leave all unnecisary thoughts in Danville, but it seems like they tagged along anyways I'm a sucker when it comes to temptation, it always seems to know my weak spots. theres always a loop hole in my plan. some way for me to back out of everything, no matter how well I thought it out beforehand. I'm so fickle. its as if I have two personalities: a sensible head that tells me whats best for myself and others, and a reckless heart that a… read more
7-4-07
Posted July 4 | Leave a Comment
the fourth of july is making me sick. literally. my stomach is in knots. I dont want to see any fireworks. and I definatly dont want to be draged down to where I was last year at this time. staying in my bedroom until the day passes sounds like my best option right about now. too bad no one will leave me alone long enough to do that. thinking too far ahead is such a bad idea. especially when you plan on starting a tradition and it doesnt happen. this is so frustrating. everything about tod… read more
blessings in disguise?
Posted July 2 | Leave a Comment
dont let this overwhelm you, I want you to get it all. the same thoughts keep running through my head. but everytime, things seem to take a different turn and slip away before I ever really grasp anything well enough to retain it. I wonder if there's a way to tell when you have genuinely figured something out about life. can any obstacles actually be conquered during these few short years we spend adjusting to the real world, or do you just get used to the way things work and accept the fac… read more
happily devastated
Posted June 30 | Leave a Comment
i've come to realize meomories are a gift and a burden. looking back at the past year leaves me with a smile on my face, and tears streaming down my cheeks. am I ready to look back and be happy for what I had, or do I still not understand that things have changed? being happy, yet devastated at the same time is a new emotion to me. one that people dont talk about, because no one understands enough to sum it all up into a few lines or phrases. words are such simple things used to convey count… read more
too much free time
Posted June 30 | Leave a Comment
people are great. they're cute when they do VBS motions. and they say nice things, actually meaning every word. they make you feel special. and love you for who you are. you can laugh and cry with them, and they tell you things will be okay, even if they're scared too. they forgive you when you dont deserve to be forgiven. and listen when you dont make any sense. they talk when you need to get your mind off things. and at the end of the day, you know that they want nothing more than to be wit… read more
lesson learned
Posted June 28 | Leave a Comment
wow this is hard. like not just the regular kind of hard. i've never faced anything this difficult. the trials and tribulations of life are catching up to me. i've been lucky up until now, but even luck cant save you from growing up and facing problems. no matter how hard i try to think things through i cant predict the outcome. making choices is scary, especially when you're more worried about the people you love than you are yourself, i'm starting to think making decisions based on the wan… read more
