Being skinny
Posted January 28, 2008
As I reach for another mini chocolate eclair, I can't help but wonder: what is the point of being skinny?
I lost a lot of weight over the past year, and don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled. After years of only wearing XL clothes, I'm starting to move my way down to a medium. However, I seem to be loosing all this weight by doing nothing. I still don't excercise, and I still eat most of the crap as I did a year ago. Every time I reach for another cookie, I ask myself "Do I need it?" then I quickly answer yes and stuff it down before anyone sees.
I know that people can eat to make up for things they are missing in their life, be it out of grief or some other thing that makes them more depressed. I already know what I am missing, but I don't really think that people would like me more if I was skinny. Think about it: if you were a chubby kid, then your mom probably told you "People will love you for who you are, whether or not you're overweight". I think I'm just trying to prove them wrong. I think I am a human experiment whose purpose is to prove that no one could ever tolorate a fat person.
Maybe I'm just being fat for attention. Yes, as sick as that sounds, that's what I think. I think I'm waiting for someone to say "Stop eating and get skinny. I'll pay attention to you if you promise". Am I seriously waiting for someone to grab my hand before that eclair reaches my mouth and force me to eat something healthier? If it is a cry for help, why is no one answering? I am findinng that I do most of the things I do for attention. Easily fixed, but this weight thing is getting on my nerves. I'm just hoping it will get on someone else's nerves too.
Since when is a blog that no one reads a forum for philosophical, one-sided discussions regarding my eating habits? Never.
