PureVolume

I GiVE UP

i.. give up. i really dont know how to express how angry i am.
shaking body, cleanched teeth, red puffy eyes, dead cold face. those are only the major discriptions of how i look right now.

im so sick and tired of being told what to do. i come home, go to my room... hide all day in my room sitting infront of my computer. avoiding my family.
Sometimes I do good one week. I make my bed, keep my room clean, dont fight with my siblings, do all my work, keep a smile on my face the whole week. Other weeks, i wake up late and almost miss the bus leaving my room a total disaster. I get grounded for weeks at a time because i didnt make my bed. I forget to do homework and freak out the day its due a class period before trying to get it done.

This happened to be a good week. I did all of my stuff, did pretty good about not arguing, did all of my homework, turned it in.
ALL WEEK... THE WEEK BEFORE THAT... AND THE WEEK BEFORE THAT.. all i spoke of was going to a show. a simple show. i got excited everytime i mentioned it to my parents. I acted good! so i could go! i got to go... but.. not really.

My mom drives me allll the way over by Rollins College to Island Oasis for an August Burns Red concert. I got permission, and i was flipping out in my seat i was so excited. I mean.. i was pretty damn stoked for this. It wasnt until 6pm. But I hd her drive me SUPER early to get advance tickets incase it got sold out.
After about... 34 min of driving, we finally get there and there are a few cars with people in it waiting for their tickets too. I got out to walk up to the door, and it was locked. One of the chicks waiting in her car said that its not opening for another hour. So.. to kill time, my mom and I went to the movies bout 10 min away. At 6:10pm we left the parking lot and drove to the Albertsons 4 min away from Island Oasis. I ran in got a drink and ran out. We started driving to the venue and my moms like, how are you getting home? I told her I didnt know. Either she or my dad were coming to get me, unless they let a friend Aaron drive me back. She says, well... you need to discuss this with your father. And I told her I did. I said that when i was washing his car on Friday for some extra cash, that I told him either he or mom was coming to pick me up.. unless Aaron could drive me back... but.. i had to call him and talk to my dad and verify. My dad wouldnt pick up his phone or the house phone, so as we are waiting for him to pick up or call us, shes getting all pissy. and shes like.. you see? this is why i dont get involved with your stuff. You always plan in your head, and you never fully plan things out with us. and im like.. what are you talking about?? I spoke with you... AND i spoke with dad! we just wernt sure if Aaron was driving me back or not!

So she goes and shes starting to pull out of the Albertsons parking lot, and then my dad finally calls. and im like (thank god) so we are driving to Island Oasis and my dads on the phone with her, and shes saying Ayan, did you tell Kristin her friend was drivign her home? and he said no. i dont know how shes getting home. And then my moms like, well i dont want to come back at 1am to pick her up, and i know your tired. And my dad said, well then just bring her home. So she hangs up! and we pass RIGHT BY Island Oasis!!! AND SHE KEEPS FREAKING DRIVING!!!!!! I WAS LIKE WTTTTF!?!??!??!??

So im freaking out! im like.. wat the heck r u talking about?? i spoke to you AND dad!! and i said you or dad were taking me home unless Aaron did!! and shes like speak to ur father. and i get the phone and start talking to my dad. and he wouldnt let me speak! he just kept saying, Kristin, you should have planned better. Next time you know to do so.
oh my GOD. i flipped. i handed the phone back to my mom and i started crying! i mean.. i was pissed, and upset, and just everything at once. my head felt like it was going to pop! i was like... shaking and everything and i wanted to scream. i just wanted out of the car! so im like mom.. pull over.. mom pull over! and she kept looking at me and she said.. no. so i open my full throttle and started chugging it. i just wanted something so keep my quiet. then my aunt calls her.. and shes talking to my mom. and here i am crying, and like in my head im like wtf is wrong with me.. because im saying kristin.. shut up shut up! and i couldnt!!! i kept getting louder. and i was sobbing. i couldnt control myself. Then my moms all laughing with my aunt, and shes saying oh yea.. its just kristin upset that she cant go to a concert n e more...

my mom handed the phone to me and my aunt started talking to me.. and she was drunk and laughing and i just wanted to scream because i just wanted someone to listen to me and let me talk! i just wanted someone to stand there.. even pretend that they r listening and just let me scream and yell wat i had to say! but no! shes drunk! or tipsy.. or what ever the hell she was. and i was pissed! i kept raising my voice and i couldnt talk normally. then shes like, Kristin calm down. and im like.. NO! every weekend they ruin things. I can never do n e thing!! i want to get out and enjoy myself and not have to worry and i cant!!
I CANT BREATH! IM SUFFICATED! I WANT OUT!

So i tell my mom again, mom pull over! and she wouldnt! shes just laughing on the phone. and finally she hangs up, and i feel im about to expload! we r at a redlight and shes just looking at me, and finally.. after yrs of holding it in.. i let A DROP of wats in my mind out. I looked at her and i was like.
Im so discusted with how you are! your so fake! how can u be yelling at me and then start laughing on the phone the next min!? Same around my friends!! your upset at me! and then you go to meet my friends and your all full of smiles! how can u do that? it makes me sick!
and she just stares at me and she goes "Your fucking phsyco."
and then my dad calls, and she starts telling him what i said and hes like, if u dont stop IM GOING TO GO PHSYCO.

Im so sick of it all. i just want to leave and get all of this over with.
I think about leaving, and runnign away. BUt im too smart! I think of all the consiquences and what could happen, and it makes me change my mind because im scared. i dont know what to do. I just know i cant handle a yr and 3 months longer.
I NEED OUT.


((to make things.. WORSE.. my dad comes in after i get off the phone with aaron cuz hes wondering where the hell i am.. and hes like.. you want to go to the movies?))
OH MY FREAKING GOD. LEAVE ME THE F ALONE.

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