purevolume™

might morphing.

its about time i blew up. ranted for hours. and spilled over every liquid in the house. set fire to his letters. his pictures. his memories. its about time i grew up.

tired of it all. this heartbreak that comes. its over. and i know it. but i just can.t give it up. i want it. i need it. i got to flipping have it. i gotta be the best. i gotta be a step ahead. i gotta play hard to get. keep him on his toes. i gotta stay in my square and bounce the ball back with one touch of ground.

i gotta rip up this sweater. i gotta rip up my heart. rip open these seams. start over, brand new. but i can.t. i won.t let myself. still stuck in the past. waking up and thinking, can i please burn it to ashes? sick and tired of waiting for things to change. sick and tired. tired and sick.

but when i call. you answer. and you come to my rescue and i. want to be where you are. i don.t want to dream anymore. about being pure. and righteous. about being wise and joyful and thankful. about being honest and respectful. about being open and raw. no today. right now. i will be these. i will become and be.

i will set aside the world. i will wake up from this sleepwalk. and i will transform. mighty morphing. history making. rejouvanized and vivacious. hannah hutchinson. not known for her sad attempts at love. or her shy awakenings to heartache. no not today. not tomorrow. not next month.

i will breathe new life. and i wil see new colors. sing tones and words. never sung before. i will climb up the slides, and slide down the stairs. i will turn around and not think like everyone else does. i will be given a new memory. and i new past. shameless and white. soft and fluffy. cuddly, even. one that i will embrace and return. then look ahead for the days to come.

No, i will not fear the days to come anymore. i will trust. i will embrace. i will not expect nor cheat. i will not anticipate. i can feel my heart slide out from under me. and my feet float in water. but i will trust you, god. and i will respect your plan. i will not rush it, for that would be mocking, as it is said in isiah. i will learn from the ones before me. and i will die a heroic death. for you. and you alone.

i will look unto you. for you are the only one who hears my cries. thank you. for the out stretched hand. forever. thank you.

Leave a Comment