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Im losing everything.
Everything that was ever close to me.
Its just slowly slipping away.
As if I was never suppose to have it
The anger that controls me.
Too the fear keeps me holding on.
holding on to the little broken pieces that.
I can hold on too.
Little broken pieces that leave scars
Scars to small for anyone to see
Scars that are buried for know one to know about
So to The dreams that never come true.
The wishes that are never made.
Its all a lie.
life happiness.
all planned out for you.
to bring something else to someone.
for just that moment.
theirs nothing for anyone.
to keep complete happiness.
so what is life.
is it living day to day lying.
saying your happy.
all the laughs that.
last only for a second.
all the friendships.
that soon will end.
To high school sweet hearts.
who say "Ill love you forever"
who leave each other
all it causes is more pain.
More heart brakes,
and only to leave you broken and alone..
so how many more days will I lie
saying Im happy
satisfied with who I am
but in my mind Im nothing
but a waist
a waist of space
which will be replaced with
someone else
to live another lie!
Yet we wake up
And live day to day
Lying to everyone i know
Saying im happy
And that I well never leave
Never betray them
Never leave them broken and alone
But deep down inside I know I will
Leave and go
Only to start another
Life of lies..
Of telling someone Ill love them forever..
So why is it that I wake up day to day
When nothing is worth it
To all the friends who have left
And all the memories that are now scars
That no one sees..
This is my life
The sad depressing days
Of where I place a smile on my face
Only to see you smile
Only to feel like everythings going to be fine..
And that Ill love you all for ever..
But days I wish that it would end
All the lies I tell you
All the lies I tell myself..
All the scars that I hid
Behind ever laugh and smile
That I fake
I cant remember the last time
I was happy
The last time I really laughed.
Or really smiled..
But I will remain the same
And keep living my life of lies..
Only for you
Only to hold on to something that will always leave..

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new news

as of today i have desided im going to get my hips peirced im scared of needles but im getting them done soon too..
im buying the bars tomarow.. and the needle sometime this week..
so i will have to post a picture of them when i get them done

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i little about who i really am inside

So i have desided that i hide who i am on the inside to make sure that i cant be hurt..
I wake up in the morning and place a smile on my face and act like everything is alright but it never is... i want everything to be all good but everytime i think it is im fucking beat down... I may not act like it but im the most broken person inside and im fucking good at hidding it.. i have become so good that i made me believe im ok.. my happyness is seeing my friends happy.. i use them to keep me solid... so i would do anything to make them happy..i like seeing them happy cause it lets me know that there is something better than what i have.. and i know i will never have it but just to see someone i care for happy like that keeps me sain... but at the same time its my way of not dealing with who i really am.. i fear becoming close to anyone just because i know that they will just fuck me over.. having my best friend who talked about my sexuality behind my back.. taking in someone new and trusting to have them call me an ugly bitch, having a random guy on myspace e-mail me calling me a filthy fucking whore and me not even knowing who the fuck he is.. as bad as i want to just let that shit just pass by like nothing it never does it eats me inside and i never stop thinking about it.. i dont know how much more i can really take i want to just be happy.. but i cant take being hurt anymore... out of all the pain thats built up inside i wish someone would just shot me and watch me slowly bleed to death cause it would hurt less. as hard as i try to let new people in i can't and i know i have let some people that i shouldnt have go.. and if i could i would take it back but i cant..


i know most people dont know this but the happiest day of my life was when my dad moved out right before i started high school.. because he was always yelling about something.. and when your young and to have your dad scream at you for no reason at all and then go weeks with out talking to anyone.. come home and sleep on the couch and then leave for work in the morning saying not a word to anyone.. i reamember the day he left like as if it was a movie that i play over and over again..it was a holiday the flags were out... i rembember him and my brother fighting over a cd.. me in the kitchen my dad telling my brother to hit him so he can call the cops.. my mom getting in the middle trying to stop it.. i went upstairs into my parents room my mom comming in saying what do you think about getting a divorce... i wanted it i had for a long time.. he was outside the door when i said it... he called me a spoiled shit.. and then threw their wedding vows down the stairs the tv changer at the wall and left.. the cops came.. he was gone though i remember not being able to sleep knowing he was going to come home.. and of course he showed and we called the cops again and they made him leave.. he lived in a trailor for like 3 months... he went to court and had to take anger managment classes... they never did divorce and i still wish it would i hate him so bad.. and its a pritty fucked up thing to say.. but that was 4 years ago and the pain it left is still as strong as it was the day it happend..

so when i push someone away.. im scared to be broken and left alone... im still that scared broken girl 4 years ago crying in her room and yet i still put a smile on my face.. and act like life is great.. so if you just plan on leaving me or fucking me over save your time and my tears! but of course dont worry i'm just fine.. like i always am!

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hey everyone...

wow this thing really is turning into myspace well heres my info things to everything...
swimming_chick07@hotmail.com

http://www.myspace.com/swimming_chick

i have vampire freaks
but i bearly get on it but i cheek it every once in awhile
skankie_franchi is my name

yeah i think thats it

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MY Bands

..last winter..
10 years
15 minutes late
2nd to last
3 pill morning
30 seconds to mars
38.1 women
4-seamer
A change of pace
A heartwell ending
A perfect circle
A static lullaby
A step behind
A True story
a.f.i.
acceptance
Adelphi
Against The Fire
aiden
Alkaline trio
All american rejects
Allister
alter bridge
Amber Pacific
american hi-fi
An Angle
And then I turned seven..
Anien ant farm
Another day break
Anything August
armor for sleep
Ataris
atmosphere
atreyu
bad religion
bayside
beastie boys
BEDlight for blueEYES
bermuda
between liam and the stereo
billy talent
Black eyed peas
blackoutskies
blind melon
blink 182
bombs away
boys night out
brand new
bravery
breaking benjamin
bumblebeez 81
Burning Bright
Bush
cake
chasing victory
chevelle
chronic future
coheed and cambria
congratulations on becoming a pilot
coretta scott
cute is what we aim for
cypress hill
daphne love
day at the fair
day two
death cab for cutie
death from above 1979
depehe mode
double or nothing
dresden dolls
dropkick murphys
drowning pool
earsshot
electrashine
emery
eminem
everclear
everlast
fallout boy
fm statix
for the record
four year strong
from autumn to ashes
from first to last
funeral for a friend
goldfinger
goodbyetomorrow
gorillaz
green day
guttermouth
gym class heroes
halfstock
halifax
hatebreeds stones
hawthorne heights
hellogoodbye
hidden in plain view
hollywood undead
hoobastank
hot action cop
hot hot heat
house of fools
huston calls
I am avalanche
I can make a mess
iggy pop
incubus
ingram hill
interpol
janes addition
jenoah
Jet
jimmy eat world
junior senior
jupiter sunrise
just surrender
kill Hannah
killers less then jake
letter kills
lit
long view
lostprophets
louis xiv
mae
making april
making it right
matchbook romace
matchbox twenty
midtown
minutes to far
misfits
morning calls
motion city soundtrack
muse
music video
mxpx
my broken promise
my chemical romance
my getaway
nine inch nails
no use for a name
nofx
oasis
october fall
on the last day
orgy
Panic! At the disco
peachcake
phantom planet
Plain white Ts
rage against machine
ramones
rancid
red hot chili peppers
red lipstick letter
relient k
Rise against
rooney
Rufio
run doris run
Rx bandits
scary kids scaring kids
section 8
self against city
senses fail
shinedown
silverstein
smashing pumpkins
smile empty soul
snow patrol
socratic
something corporate
static-x
steel train
steriogram
stone temple pilot
straylight run
strik.fire.fall
sugar cult
sum 41
system of a down
taking back sunday
the afters
the balck maria
the bouncing souls
the calling
the click five
the cover
the cover up
the dissociatives
the donnas
the early november
the exies
the f-ups
the fury
the haunted
the hives
the junior varsity
the mile after
the postal service
the raymus
The sophmore attempt
the starting line
the story changes
the strokes
The summer obsession
the track record
the used
theory of a dead man
These green eyes
three%hero
thrice
thursday
train
Trapt
tursday
underoath
unwritten law
waking ashland
yeah yeah yeahs
yellow card

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