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FRANKIE LOVEE
Age: 18
Location: Hell
Joined On: Dec 14, 2006
Occupation: I\'ll eat your brains.
The name's Ashli.
I answer by Frankie.
-only if you know me.
I dig chicks.
I'm currently taken
[ Nicole♥ ] She's great.
I have very few friends
& I like it that way.
I don't trust or like many people.
I'm very confused.
I smoke & drink. A Lot. -get over it.
& I simply Don't Care what any of you
have to say about me.
I've been through it all.
wanna know more, than write me.
byebye.
Never take friendship personal.
It's been about one month. It's also been about a week, and i'm fine. Completely okay. It's actually funny how I can go through all of this and still come out the same person. The only thing that has changed about me is that I want to get better and I don't think any of my family and friends would object to the idea of helping my depression going away. That brings me back to friends. It's been a month since i've left school and most of my "friends" took that as an opportunity to cling onto another best friend. That's fine, I don't need you. It's also been a week since I got back from the hospital. It was completely my fault and i'm the ONLY one to blame. This is the time I really needed support from my friends. I've always came to ya'll for everything and more than half of you guys haven't said more than 2 words to me since i've been home. Thanks. Again, I don't need you. To those of you asking my friends at school if i'm okay, STOP! Pick up a fucking phone and ask me yourself. I don't feel like I have to point out any names. The lucky ones know who they are and the ones who mean nothing to me now should catch on real quick.
"Innocence gone, never take friendship personal.
If you can't hold yourself toghether
Why should I hold you now?"
-Anberlin.
I will say my best friends are Kylie and Toni. They're irreplaceable so don't try. You'll never come close.
& some of the special ones who HAVE been there are Kylie & Toni (of coarse), Brittany, Karlene, Cheyenne, Buddy and Ricky. Also, Aisa & Shauna & KayD.
The rest of you suck. =]
Chapter 1.
I'm trying to make things easier, but it seems as if I do not know where to start. I'm wondering why things happen the way that they do and I'm starting to question everything that goes on around me. Why is it that we start to learn everything at such a young age? Is it because as you get older some ideas just get harder and harder to grasp? I think that as a child you're more susceptible to believing all that you hear, perhaps this is why we also teach kids early on to trust. I'm sitting here and asking myself why I never learned how to do that. I know why, but I still ask myself over and over again looking for a different answer. How do things, and I mean the little and the big things, that happen throughout your life all tie together when they're all so different? Everything is so foreign to me. I feel like I'm back in New York, a tiny little spec walking along the streets among millions. I guess that's where it started. I went away and realized everything I could be losing and then managed to go ahead and lose it. Why do we feel just to hurt? And I mean really feel, like to the point to where you can't go a day without hearing their voice and 4 days away from them seems like a year. I just don't get it.
Promises can sound so sweet, but in a second all together frightening, and then they can kick in like a poison. Feeling as if there's no point in trying to fix this because I'm choking on your every word, as well as mine, wondering if there's any truth left in any of it. What are you really thinking behind every little faint smile? I've always wanted to know. Are you smiling because you're happy to see me, or are you smiling because once again you've tricked me? Have I been fooled, have I been scammed? This is all too unreal. I can almost touch you but your poison is still intact. I'm reaching out and looking for the slightest familiarity and I see it but the minute I lose sight I start to see how cold it really is. The way I "trust" in every word you say, this isn't me. I don't trust. Why do I have these ideas in my head?
I want to say it's because I'm not thinking but I know really that i'm thinking too much. I'm looking so far into things i'm not even sure if I'm seeing straight anymore. I'm 17 years young and i've fallen so hard I don't know if I'm even strong enough to get up and live yet another year. Am I wrong? I've been told so many times but really I'm bothered by that fact. It feels so right, for once in my life I feel alive. A feeling I know nothing about and still I strive for it. I know it's what I want but is it what I need? I don't think people really need anything, they just want and want. It's an ongoing act of selfishness. I do it to, yet it disgusts me. This world, a fake replication of what we call "life." No one is in the right. Everyone judges when in turn they should be focusing on their own excuses they call mistakes. Which brings me back to my question, do I need her? My answer is no. I don't need anyone. I'm not going to say I can't live without her because I very well can. I just don't want to. Need is not an option here, it's all about what I want and isn't that what the problem is with everyone? We all strive for what we want, not what we need. So again, am I wrong? If I am then you all are and i'll gladly take that title. So my words have a high chance of slapping me in the face, after all no one gets everything they want. But if they do it'll be a hell of a bruise matching the one on my heart, my pride, and my ego but love is pain. Call me weak because I fell, I say I'm strong for staying down because only a weak person would get back up and run. I choose to stay, and fight. It's not an endless war, if I lose then your memory dies and I walk away, not run, and the scars that you have made will fade as I grow stronger.
Cold Iron Casket.
Paper cuts on my heart
Safety pins ripping it apart
I can't believe you're leaving
My only reason for bleeding
My life on hold for a year
and I can't promise i'll be here
I'm lying to you, can't you see?
I only want you here with me
If you don't deserve me, I don't know who will
The day you leave is my motivation to kill
the only part of me that cared
Cruel fate, things aren't fair
Mistakes just made, eating away
"Rest In Peace miserable soul," as I lay.
a touch of poison
a sweet taste, i'm gone...
i hope my name keeps repeating,
to keep you're heart beating
fully alive;
while i lay in a cold iron casket.
I've been hiding in a cradle of lies.
Crazy? A little overrated...
this heart of mine, detiorated
What am I doing? It's not right
Regretful tears fell all night
It sounded good but I didn't know what I was saying
and now those words hang over me victimly preying
All of this, it's crashing around me
and this time I know you see
I lied and I don't like the idea of options
these tangled lies I keep getting caught in
I'm ready to wake up, and let it hit me
I tried but you leave
I don't want this to hurt but it kills
Kills every ounce of me as my heart swells
Ready to fall apart
Rip apart this heart
I can't do it, not without you
Heart's starting to beat few
and with my last breath i whisper
"I'm not okay, I did it for her."
With bloodshot eyes and open veins.
All these things inside, I can't keep them inside
I'm going crazy
All the things you've said and all the things
that i've read
But yet you still amaze me
So many things have changed
and times have rearranged
but I can't stop it
You said you would stay and now i'm questioning
How did we fit?
I'm changing my ways and i'm falling fast
How did this happen?
Crawling out of my veins to find the pulse within
All I find is scarred memories. When did this happen?
when?
The blood in my veins is dripping insane
and it's spelling out your name
and you don't even realize
my heart's growing smaller in size
I have no idea who I am anymore
Figuring this out, i'm growing sore
"I'm not the same person, i'm not!"
I screamed out as they all heard the shot.
zacownsthisheart04
awww YAY!!! i hope we can hang out soon!!
posted May 17
zacownsthisheart04
love and miss you!!!! MMUAH!!!!
posted May 16
zacownsthisheart04
yeah...like now i\'m working at subway and my parents
were like when i get enough money saved up and i can
afford my own place then i\'m out of the house.. so
yeah ... but i dont know if that was supposed to make
me upset ...but all it did was make me smile..lol
posted May 09
Miss Tweek
Who is it in that house that you are worried about? But
yea. What all are you doing this weekend?
posted May 08
Miss Tweek
I know that she knows. I told her at lunch. Lol. But
yea. You have to, or you want to? Do you think that it
is going to be bad??
posted May 07
aisface
and ily too. :-)
posted May 07
aisface
ill be expecting your call at 2:30. lol. have you asked
your dad if you can stay yet?
posted May 07
zacownsthisheart04
i\'m sorry ... i wish you could be doing good...i dont
like it when things aren\'t goin good for you..
posted May 07