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EXOSPACE
Enjoy the ability to sleep. My mind seems to try to break that habit.
Be happy and don't let the Miami traffic get to you.
Will it happen?
There is an unsettling feeling in the air today. The kind of feeling that lets your achy joints know that something is awry. Everything that is bad in the world has built itself up and is awaiting the fight. The rain starts. Each cloud pours itself out using the earth as its canvas. The heavens are using everything they have to cleanse what we have created. Each drop is clearing a path for the next. The sun comes out. Perhaps I can get some sleep.
unfinished testimony
As time moves against me, I grow weiry of the fight. The memories I hold are fading in the past. A light has entered the door of my heart and comforts me during the one change I actually want in my life.
Not enough blankets in the world
The weather is becoming cool again. Cool air in South Florida is a rarity. My youngest brother and I would go outside in the front yard with half of the bed sheets in the house. He was about 3 or 4. We would wrestle and play in the grass all day. Mom hated the grass stains but we didnt care. For some reason the feeling of the sea of grass below you under the sheets would slip you into a daze. We would sometimes just lay there and talk trying to figure out what each cloud in the sky was supposed to be. Winter time brings back so many good memories. It is hard to swallow everything at once sometimes. My earliest memory, at least I think it is my earliest memory, was at a park someplace and it is cold. I am just stairing at the sky watching the fragments of dust move around my eye. So calm. It is hard to find that feeling. I think the closest I have come to that... is right after I wiped out when I was boogie boarding one time. The undertoe sucked me under, and I was stuck in the water almost out of breath just spinning, waiting for my body to rise. Sitting there for one split second floating under the water... I stop spinning and feel the bottom of the ocean at my toes. My board wants to float and pulls me to the surface. The one split second was enough to awaken a lot memory in my head. What wakes up your memories?
Corruption of Procrastination
At times I feel like I am in a dream world. When reality finally kicks me in the ass, I realize that my castle in the sky is surrealistic. You see, I am the type of person that is able to learn and understand things very quickly. The pride that comes with my ease in learning causes an effervescent flaw of procrastination and ultimately laziness.
This is my final semester at Miami Dade College (MDC) and the one thing I do not need to do is procrastinate. If I succumb to putting things off, I will most likely not pass one or more of my three classes this semester. This would be horrific because I would not get to earn my degree in Computer Engineering this semester. I must not fail.
Not only do I have to stay focused on not failing, I have to fight the urge of being slothful so I can bring up my grade point average (GPA). I actually need to get an A in all three of my classes this semester to increase my GPA above 3.0. It is imperative that I work and stay focused because a higher GPA looks much better on a resume. Unfortunately, we live in a world that solely judges the masses by appearance. Obtaining a GPA above 3.0 not only looks better in the long run, but it completes an internal promise that I made to myself when I was a little over-achiever in elementary school.
The effects of procrastination, at this time, would echo through my life like a rock thrown into a spider web. Like ripples in the water, the consequences are almost eternal (in my eyes at least). If I were to do poorly in one or more of my classes I might have to stay for another endless semester at my other home, MDC. This would in turn extend my time in college, prolonging when I can actually start my life in the field of work that I have come so close to grasp onto. It is like fighting a deep sea fish for hours just to open the spool when you have it close enough to gaff. When you have to work and go to school full time, one more semester puts your future in a state of uncertainty. I do not want to be subjected into to going to school until I am thirty.
Psychologically speaking, if my life has to be put on hold I would feel like a failure; someone who is not worthy of ice picking their way up the massive corporate iceberg of industry. Not to mention the detrimental effects failure would inflict on my self-esteem. I have already had to deal with my share in demons of failure in my life and I do not want to fail so drastically again. In middle school I was a straight "A" student, but when High School came around I was diagnosed with a stomach bacteria that caused me to be sick for several months. I was so sick that my parents were forced to home school me until my body recovered. Ultimately, I was never able to go back to public school destroying the door that held all my aspirations of playing the violin professionally.
I know from experience that it is vital for you to pick yourself up when you fall. Personally, I do not want to put myself in a position that would force me to deal with the emotional letdown that comes with failure or the excess time it would take to make up for my mistakes. I am going to strive, to the best of my ability, to win this internal turmoil that bellows in my head called procrastination.
Fairy Tales and Cigarettes
They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Whos' Heart? Not for her, her heart grew further. The distance brought about a tornado of distrust and pain. Stuck on the memory of something perfect become tainted, it's time to move on says the world. What does the world know but everything? Dont you need to figure these things out for yourself. Time fixes pain, not someone elses experience. Someone elses remedy to their pain. When the pain is hitting home others words don't come as comfort. It is hard enough to deal with the loss let alone have to hear what you " " should do. Then her voice shakes the foundation of your hovel. That translucent sound that echoes throughout your soul. The one thing that can break the callus you have managed to strengthen so. Why doesn't she leave you alone? One day, life is over. The next, she comes back to you to remind you that you aren't good enough. When does this storm end? Why can't you just move on? The heart makes people lose focus of what they really want in life. That dream world with your leggos can't be a reality anymore. The world hurts, so shut yourself off to it. Slowly dissapear in the darkest fathoms of oblivian. You cant do that. There are others out there. But your despair is the best cloud for your tormented mind and heart. There are no more bubbles for oxygen. No more wood for the fire. Let the ashes rise. Let the water fill your lungs. Maybe then you can move on. Let the pain take over. Maybe then, when it has finished, it will move on to someone else. Someone not you.
IDidNotBiteYou
haha aww thannksss... ;) you\'re the cutest boy I get
to hang out with too xoxo, --Eli
posted Jan 24
IDidNotBiteYou
aww thannkkss! hmm. nope! sorry... I\'m not single... I
have this ammaaazzziinnnnnggggg boyfriend!
;) xoxo, --Eli
posted Jan 17
IDidNotBiteYou
awww whattt a cutie!!! you look pretty cute there too
;)aww see she\'s a little masochist, too!!! she has a
little bandaid and everything... she\'s hxc aww haha
xoxo, --Eli
posted Jan 12