- Listener
DIFF_ER_ENT
Age: 21
Joined On: Apr 07, 2006
Karlis Tomins
Oak Warbor, WA
xxbr0kenxx
tsk tsk tsk like im gonna tell you
shalalala
the world
.thirty.sweet.seconds.of.misery.
in my head
TRACE trace the elegant sun rise and a pair of goofy smiling eyes trace a three year olds falling tear and a grown mans trembling fear trace a lonesome frozen flower and a song sung from deep within the shower trace the world the every line and squiggle trace thoughts and impossibilities trace the things that catch your eye and grab your heart then carry them all off in your memory cart I dont follow fashion nor do I create it I dont follow the norms nor do i despise them I dont hate the world nor do i love it Stand out or be left out I could careless if my clothes dont match or my hair looks a lil funny I love bright colors and am not afraid to prove it I do everything loud talk - laugh- sing I like to push peoples boundaries and mix things up if you are sitting at a table alone... I will soon join you I see stories in peoples eyes and like to ask them to tell me I love photography I love taking photos of people people interest me... the stories they can offer... the new insights Every person you ever meet shapes your life I have a very intricate design Living only occures once so i take everything in so that I may learn as much as possible If getting a degree wasnt important I wouldnt go to school I would simply sit in coffee houses and introduce myself to random people that is enough about me now
things he should do... and my thoughts
Things he should do:
- Tuck my hair behind my ear
- Hold my hand walking through crowds or across the street so he doesnt loose me
- Kiss me Hello
- Kiss me goodbye
- Introduce me to all his friends
- Show up randomly just to say hello
- Pick me up from work randomly
- Drop by my work just to say hello (and cheer me up if my boss is being rude)
- Get along with my grandpa
- Be able to hold conversations with my family
- Plan special days for the two of us to go be adventurous
- Give me a reasuring smile that hes just kidding after makeing a joke about me
- Not make fun of my bad driving if he is having me drive!!!
- Love all my little quirks
- Go to chick flicks with me just because I want to see them
- Go to any event that I am in to watch/support me
- Stand up for me when my friends are being rude
- Hold me when I am crying
- Hold me just because you know I like to cuddle
- Tell me I look good (because you know I put effort into it)
- Support my goals
- Surprise me with tickets to a dance show or a photo gallery
- Get into discussions not arguements with me
- Take me star gazing because it is my FAVORITE thing to do
- Bring me Tea when I'm sick
- Laugh at even my stupid jokes
- show me he WANTS me everyday (a strong kiss or a comment)
-ect.
*- Know that I will do all this and more for you!!!!!!!
are thoes things demanding
my boyfriend does most of them
he makes an effort
but lately I feel like more on a business partner to him than his girlfriend
lately he'll stay out all night with his friends
yet when he gets the chance to stay out with me
he opts for going home and doing his homework instead
am i being selfish or reading into it correctly?
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can i just have one more moon dance with you my love?
There are always strings
you cant be half in a relationship
you cant have sex with no strings
it just doesnt work
and you dont have to be ok with that
you can be sad
these symbols you call letters... give no justice to my memories
ts amazingly sad the way things change
Friends one day
And strangers the next
Laughter
Gone without a trace
Memories strewn through notes and photos
All tucked away
Pushed to the side
Smiles
Gone without a trace
Thats the difference between you and me
While your heart might break
I am broken
Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
how does it feel to drain the trust out of an empty soul
diluted confusions
can only be that
of the insane
my emotions are plainly plastered across my face
what more could i say?
friends from years ago
come and go
imprinting memories
that mold your life
two young hearts
playing dressup in mommas clothin
lipstick 10 shades too dark
with a fate they neva woulda choosen
so life said Hi to me yesterday
And asked me where i was going
And I laughed and cried
surveys and growing up
*copy pasted from my very own myspace*
I kissed a spoon because I got high
or so said the last survey
Why are survey's so popular?
Because we like reading about other people?
Or because we like talking about ourselves
I'd go with the latter
and add that while I can admit I fill them out50% in vain... the other 50% is to amuse whoever actually reads one of mine
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Some people knock Grey's Anatomy because its a sitcom
but take away the drama
take away the faces
I'd encourage people to look up Grey's Anatomy quotes
or really listen merediths thoughts in the show
if you simply take the thoughts away... it might actually get you thinking about your life
Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.
- personally i take this to heart due to recent communication issues. Its interesting how with some people it isnt even a verbal communication. Sometimes we feed off eachothers energy and if one person gives off bad vibes, and the other then intern returns bad vibes the cycle spirles down hill until somehow someone voices a concern
and simple plee to go back and restart... verbal communication can only go so far until the verbal must take over and releave the mind of uncommunicated questions
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I used to know exactly what I wanted
I could tell people exactly what I wanted to be
and while I dont feel lost
I dont know my spot
I know the direction I'm going in
(and I know somepeople dont even know that)
but that it
I've always been a planned person
I'm reaching for my future....
but what exactly is my future?
-------------------------------------------
I'm graduating soon
very soon
i feel like i met them yesterday
I remember middle school memories like they were last weekend
first crushes
first pranks
first sleep overs
first dance
first laughs
first conversations
and now
we come to the lasts
maybe its a bit depressing that I'm realistic about this next phase but
I dont know anyone going to the same school as me
and at that only a few are right next to me
so what are the chances that I'll stay close with these people next year
or the year after that
or after than
with each month that pases
middle school and highschool memories will fade as the physical distance between us will seem to grow
and I will try to maintain what I can
but its a part of life
and its a natural one at that
we all must open our doors and hearts to new people in our lifes
we will soon meet new people that directly connect to our future
and will drift from our past friends and keep them as fabulous memories
hmmm off to make some more lasting memories RIGHT NOW
fathers and boyfriends
've always secretly wished he'd be here. Even back in 7th grade I invisioned him sitting across from me smiling as he sees what an extrodinary young woman I became. I always thought if he was there to see what an acomplishment i had made we could establish the smallest bit of a relationship. I thought if he showed for my highschool grad he'd be there to meet my husband, to meet my children.... I thought if my dad showed for my highschool grad he'd be there at my wedding for the father daughter dance. But his seat is empty.
I laugh at all the stories my family and friends throw around. I get embarresed at my mothers baby stories and I smile at my friends sitting at near by tables but his empty seat keeps catchin my eye. It beckons to me. Almost as if I need to sit in it... but it would only be a sad game of musical chairs.... only one chair is always empty. Always teasing. No one knows who should be occupying that seat. No one knows who stood me up. No one knows who I'm saving it for. They dont realize I'm waiting for him to walk through that door. I know he left us when i was little but i always thought he'd come back to me.
I should have filled his seat. I could have filled his seat. I was praying his lack of response meant he was going to suprise me. I was wrong. Is it wrong to wonder if my mom gave me the right address to send it to? My family has always been the middle man. They call him for me or get his mother to call me. Am I incapable of doing it myself? I feel bad for doubting them but its hard not to.
I just wish I knew my father. I just wish he was around for the major things.
I had a terrible dream the other night
honestly i've never woken up sad before
and it carried with me through the whole day
I married a guy after knowing him for two months
apparently we thought we were in love and in my dream things seemed really happy
I was getting all dressed up feelings oober happy
but when I walked outside (spring wedding... sunny day) only his family was there
I realized the wedding had been rushed a quickly put together
but most the guests looked hickish.... he was dressed the worst
I was in a beautiful dress
he stood there in jeans and a short highschool football jersey of his
he was standing there smiling like it was the most perfect day of his life
I looked around to find my family.... only his stood beside me... at least they were dressed nicely
his friends came over a week later... three of them
they walked into the living room as I was crying on the couch
I was depressed because my husband was ignoring me. He wouldnt kiss me, he wouldnt talk to me.... its like after we were married I dissapeared.
his three thugish friends walked in on me crying in the living room because i knew my husband wouldnt see me there
they sat on the couch like nothing was happening... they tried ignoring me too... but started small chit chat with me instead
a cop came to the front door
it was for one of the guys
add to my depression my husbands friends were thugs who the cops wanted to arrest for several reasons
things went terribly like this for some time
until I knocked on his door
I finally went in and told him how i felt
I told him I was unhappy
and everything changed just like that
everything was happy
I think..... I woke up right at this point
Its odd that I can remember all of that
its weird
the dream has stuck with my so clearly and the sad feeling is stuck there
I know it turns around in the end
but for some reason it is so depressing to me
I feel like i settled in the dream for a second rate guy
why did i marry him
why wasnt my family there
how did i meet him
then analyze WHO he was....
and the weird thing is i didnt know WHO he actually was until I met him a week later
(my now boyfriend... is the second rate dream guy)
it scares me
today i'm yours
can we
you and me
make something of this meaningless chit chat?
But I'm only his in my daydreams
I'm only his today
I wont act on any of this
because I know it will get me only in trouble
we play an interesting game
a push and pull
a dodge and dive
flirting
we know nothing of eachother
which keeps us distant
but the truth comes out in the tention of our goodbyes
He has an interesting effect on me
and it kind of scares me
He brings out my attitude - my edge
What edge you ask? EXACTLY... where did it come from? He found it
I'm humor and awkward to my friends
but to him... I'm a serious seductress
I can do the things I joke about to him - without laughing
Its not like I've never given a lap dance... I can see myself doing it seriously to him
dirty jokes to my friends would be dirty talking to him
He pulls out some self assuredness i never knew was there
He did something the other day I had forgotten I loved so much
the grin stare... original name I know but that is exactly what it was
I made a small joke and as I paid attention to the teacher he just sat there
stareing at me
and smiling
adoring me
When I realized this I asked
"are you laughing at me"
his smart remark was
"no, not at all.. because you dont entertain me at all"
followed by a wink
how perfect?
Maybe its his blue eyes encased by dark eyelids and long lashes
Maybe its his deep voice and confident stride
Or maybe just maybe its his nonchalaunt attitude and quiet nature
whatever it is... its working
and that scares me
It scares me because I know what I could do
but that i shouldnt
I always let myself go
and then realize it was too far
all sports have courts
boundaries
this game of intimacy has no markers
----------------------------
the lil voice in my head that is supposed to tell me right from wrong
is ADD
honestly he stops paying attention to me ALL THE TIME
and then BAM
AFTER i have done something he snaps back
"oh shit kaitlin why'd you do that... that was bad"
a lil late eh?
better late than never?
-------------------------------------------
at community college kids can dissapear
Honestly
at highschool we all know eachother
if someone is sick... you know it
or if they are out due to depression or a family trip you know it
but at community college when kids dont show up for class
i dont even know if they are still alive
We know nothing about eachother
we see only a sliver of their personalities... and thats in interactive classes
Does anyone else stop to think about the characters in their class?
why is he late? Why is she tired? Where are they from?
I could be someone else
Am I someone else... in someone elses mind?
I hold their ficticous lives in my hands... do they hold mine?
-------------------------
It was a struggle to take in enough air to drive off nightmare sensations of asphyxiation.
Her heart beat too fast, too loud.
It was a flase security she knew but she had learned to savor any pleasure, any supplement to her self-esteem that she could glean.
------------------------------
Jackie Robinson is my hero
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Sunday Story
He is trying to look me in the eye
Sunday morning as I sip my coffee
he is talking and I promise I'm listening
because really I am
I just cant look at him
I cant focus all my energy entirely on him
that is why i am sipping this coffee - Burnt Black Coffee
To occupy my hands while he occupies my mind
I've spent the last 10 sunday mornings with him
Hell I've spent the last few months with him
but sunday morning are set in stone- schedueled and rehearsed
he takes me to church
he makes me a better person
But I'm not good enough - I listen to screamo while parking at church
And his heart but not his lips having been telling me this for some time now
So this sunday morning he is trying to let me down easily
He is talking so much - about so much - its amazing I can follow along
and I'm listening because I care
but I cant look at him
the ceiling is caving in
its weighing down on me - on my energy
and his subject matter is depressing - which only adds to the weight on my head
my bodies on the run
its awkward with nervous energy
He is telling me he loves me
but his sundays in church
are different than mine
He wants to be a preacher
I'm not a preachers wife - not even a sister
the sugar coated words drip from his mouth and splash onto the floor
I mop up the mess with my accepting grace
Sunday mornings will be like every other day
wake up
run errands
survive work
relax with friends
ect.
What will make sunday unique?
Not his smile or smell
Not his hugs or humor
I am not a preachers wife
and he is telling me this as my knee bounces
and I sip my coffee - Burnt Black Coffee
I'm not a preachers wife and next sunday will be just another morning
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I need to work harder at sleeping more
I dont even bother makeing an attempt to sleep before midnight anymore
it hasnt worked in years
why would it work now?
---------------------------------------------
a little over seven months since I've been to brentwood and I am slightly afraid to visit
that place was HELL for me last year
I'm happy now
sometimes when i look at old photos
i get a lil choked up
i miss some of the people
i miss hearing their laughter
but i could never handle living there
its sad to miss such a terrible thing
its like smokers
they love what will kill them
brentwood is was my drug
this calm happiness is my anit drug
clasic 80's
And now an Ode to 80s movies cuz they rock my socks!
My fav quotes from the past few days of moving going!!!
=================
Eat your cereal with a fork, do your homework in the dark
Talk Hard
It's really human of you to listen to all my bullshit
[on the phone to the police]
Howard: What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes... No, he's not retarded.
Kirby: I always thought we'd be friends forever.
Kevin: Yeah, well forever got a lot shorter all of a sudden.
Alec: You're being arrested for drunk driving.
Billy: Drunk definitely, I don't know if you could call it driving.
Men... Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.
You know Jules, there is the brink of insanity and then there is the abyss, which obviously you have fallen into!
You break my heart. Then again, you break everyone's heart.
It ain't a party till something gets broken.
One question: do you need... someone, or do you need me?... Forget it, I don't really care.
She's gone. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.
You're not a permanent part of her life. You're a distraction.
Corey Flood: Hi Joe, How are you? I love you.
Joe: I love you too.
Corey Flood: You invade my soul
Joe: I want to get back together, Mimi is gonna go to college and I'm gonna be alone and I'm gonna break up with her before she leaves, have sex with me.
You break his heart, I break your face.
Ray: You know how much damage we could do to each other in an hour?
Watts: It's kind of a revolting thought, actually.
Duncan: We're gonna bring this party up to a nice respectable level. Don't worry, we're not gonna hurt anyone. We're not even gonna touch 'em. We're just gonna make 'em cry a little, just by lookin' at 'em.
Joel Goodson: So is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?
Lana: That's right.
Joel Goodson: Or a pimp?
Lana: Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?
Miles: I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.
It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.
WillyYIrishGuy
that's o ggod to hear, glad you're
posted Jun 19
WillyYIrishGuy
yes, I know!! too long, too long...anyway, I am goin'
to Randolph-Macon College late August where I hopt to
study theatre, german, und history or english. But
enough about me, how have you been?? what's new??
posted Jun 13
WillyYIrishGuy
ey, what's new?? guess who's graduatin'!?!?!?!?
posted May 21
WillyYIrishGuy
Hey, what's up?? Certainly has been a while, yes??
What's new?? I just had my audition for theatre VCU
this past friday...
posted Mar 17
aironBRUER
i bombed a calculus test today... it almost felt
good...
posted Feb 29
WillyYIrishGuy
hEY, IT\'S BEEN A WHILE, EH? hOW\'S ny UND YOUR LIFE??
posted Jan 30
aironBRUER
yeah, my classes started monday as well... how bad is
it when i didn\'t even want to go to class sunday
before class even started? i had to start writing to
keep myself from falling asleep in calculus... the
holidays were great... i got to see almost all of my
family even though they\'re not in the same place...
posted Jan 08
aironBRUER
merry new year to you... how did your finals go?
posted Jan 07