PureVolume

the words "best friend" become redefined.*

"How could you do this to me?". This is the question I ask myself every time I see her. How could you take something so meaningful, so amazing, so important to me? How could you? She's a little more than pathetic. She's a whore. A typical fucking whore.

I guess I should elaborate on this...

She tends to fall in love with her best friends. I was ever so unlucky to have been the one she "fell the hardest" for. I tried to make her happy. I pretended to be something that I knew I wasn't just to keep her in my life. I pretended to be gay. I didn't want to see her hurt anymore because she meant so much to me. And the funny thing is, she promised that we'd always remain best friends. That she'd never hurt me. I deceived myself for her.

For her. Everthing for five months straight was for her. For only two weeks of that time was I even remotely interested in her. I didn't want the relationship. I didn't want to have to walk down the halls at school with everyone staring because I was holding hands with someone of the same sex. Tortured. The only word that comes close to describing how I felt.

Of course we broke up. I kissed a girl and I didn't like it. Sorry Katy Perry, I'm one of the few girls that your song didn't get to. I'm not following this "bisexual" trend. I'm doing what I think is right in my heart. I'm trying to be happy again, trying to get back to my old life. But that's pretty much impossible at this point.

I fell for the most amazing, perfect, genuinely nice boy I've ever met. Of course he's her ex. Who in this city isn't? I asked her if she still had any feelings left for him whatsoever. She had a boyfriend at the time of course. She said no. She told me she was over him, that they dated over a year ago, and that she hadn't even thought about it. LIES.

As soon as I told her I'd fallen for him, she immediately started texting him. Telling him lies. Drawing him in. He was her second choice, but from the moment I'd met him, he'd been my first. He'd always been my first choice.

I don't know if she's just trying to get back at me for breaking up with her. But this? This is pathetic. I was going to tell him how I felt. I was going to tell him that he was all I ever wanted. I didn't need a relationship. I didn't even need to hang out with him. I just needed him to know.

He probably thinks he's her everything. That no one could ever love him the way she can, but I could have loved him better. I could have made him feel like he was everything, which he is, to me anyways. She's probably telling him she loves him, when in reality, it's nothing. It's not even more than a deep-like. She's gay, which is why I don't know why every guy in this shit-hole of a town is so in love with her.

So this goes out to the boy who claimed my heart, and doesn't even know he did it. I wish I could send this story to you, so you could know how I feel. Maybe one day, you'll stumble across it, and finally come to your senses. She doesn't love you. You're not even her first choice, but you were always mine. km;ilyMore than you could ever know.

*credit to Chiodos for the title of this post. Best song ever guys.

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