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BUNGALOWJORDAN
Age: 20
Location: Noble, OK
Joined On: May 18, 2006
Occupation: awesome
Well, I am Jordan, I am a freshman in college and i have absolutely no life. I once had a life.... Now i have a job. Its not too bad. I play Guitar, Drums, And Bass, and i am pretty much in love with music all around, some of you may be saying..."if you love it so much why dont you marry it?" i tried, but music just wants to be freinds so we are going to go our seperate ways. I am going to school to be an aerospace engineer. Yes thats right i said aerospace. it is just as exciting as you might think, but it will pay the bills one day so, i have always been a nerd,academic team and what not, i like to read but at least i can... I am a Christian and i have lived my last eighteen years as such, i have made my fair share of mistakes but thats the beauty of grace now isnt it? i am definitely A pastors kid and it has its ups and downs but i wouldnt live my life any other way, after all Jesus gave us his...
maybe?
I think this could be the first time any one has ever complained about the fact that the other person HASNT went out with a lot of people before them. personally i think it is retarded. I cant say i would want the person i am going to be with to be out with a bunch of people before me, i think that ruins a lot of special moments. well, be careful what you wish for.
Dont take this the wrong way, but sometimes i think you didnt want us to work, and sometimes i think, that even if you were the right person for me, i wasnt the right person for you, so you pretended that i was. partly because you wanted me to be, and partly because you still care about me and dont want to hurt me, and i am not sure if you have helped or not yet...
And honestly i dont blame you, you are young and it was wrong of me to expect you to want to enter into a long term relationship. And though you say you wanted to be my best friend, i think you had second thoughts about that as well, and i think though i said i wanted to be your best friend, i think i had alterior motives. They werent bad, its just i was your friend because it was the only way i could ever be close to you. I am not mad this time, and it almost feels freeing. maybe because i think we both know we are going to have to go our seperate ways sooner or later, i lied to myself long enough saying i could, or even would wait on you. lets talk soon. i want to say somethings. I dont feel bad about it and i think you shouldnt either. Maybe some other day, but we both know its not for the now.
really, call soon so we can talk, or if you want lets go somewhere and talk. i think that would be good.
I am going insane...
I am going nuts, crazy, out of my mind.
Say you have a situation, one that means the world to you, one you would do anything for, and give everything to make sure that it works out in the end. But no matter how hard you try, or no matter what you do it is out of control...your control, you have no say whatsoever, all you can do is sit back and watch your life come together or fall apart. but either way, the final desicion rests soley on someone else. thats not fair, to either person. thats way to much pressure for one person to have to go at alone, and its way too much suspence for one person to have to wait out.
you know who you are and so do i and i guess i am basically writing this to you at the chance you will never see it.
I am so confused, I am almost at the breaking point and i dont know where i go from there. I dont know how to cope, how to spend hours talking with you one day and the next i dont even exist. How we call this a freindship when what it really is, is a secret. It wasnt supposed to happen like this. Its not supposed to happen like this, and i dont know if there is anthing we can do to stop it because at this rate we are doomed and i know you can feel it like i can. Is there something we can do to stop it, probably, definitely. but i dont know what it is, and i dont know how much time we have. sometimes i think i care about this a lot more than you do. sometimes i know i do. I wonder if maybe you are just better at hiding it than i am. I wonder if theres nothing to hide. I dont want anything else than this and i have already gave almost all i have and i wonder if whats left can stand the wait. I hope it can. I think it can, but i dont know and thats what terrifies me. because of all else i dont want to lose you because of my own shortcomings and failings. I dont want to lose you because i cant lose you. That would be the worst thing that could happen right now. but its always in the back of my mind and i am physically and emotionally drained, and i dont know if i can take two more years, i want to try, but i am scared i will fail, and if i do it doesnt just hurt me it hurts you, you have the power to make this all better, or all worse, and i am not sure which you are going to choose,
and sometimes i think you dont know either....
it is.....
...1 in the morning, and once again, i am awake wishing i were asleep ...
...God i hope this all just goes away.
...You really were my best friend.
this week=balls
so this week has been terrible, which is fairly nomal i suspect because how else would you follow up a crappy week, except with a consecutive one. I feel terrible but i also feel like i have no right to feel terrible or like i am blowing things out of proportion...you see a relatioship that i held very close to me ended about three weeks ago tomorrow, and i still feel terrible about it and think about it every day...i guess because i didnt think it should have happened and i wish it hadnt, and all i want to do is talk to her, but at the same time i just wish i could forget her all together...but i dont think i can ever do that, i hope i start feeling back up to par soon because this feeling like i have lost my best freind in the entire world for the [ast few months is the worst feeling i have felt and i am tired of not wanting to sleep then not wanting to wake up. I just have to stay busy and hope i can get over it.
toria12345
what? theres a picture? haha you\'ve got to be making
up. but you really do look like a 17.
posted May 01
toria12345
haha. called it!
posted Apr 30
toria12345
is 17 your favorite number?
posted Apr 29
Chelseawantsrevengeee
cheer up :)
posted Apr 02
Chauntecleer
Hello there! Click on the picture to listen!!!
Hit me back and be a
D">friend!!!
posted Mar 06
*DaGreat1
happy late birthday.. how old are u now?
posted Feb 23
Chelseawantsrevengeee
More like he tried pushing me off the deck and i threw
beer all over him then yelling at eachother haha and of
course i won :)
posted Jan 18
Chelseawantsrevengeee
haha i wasn\'t naked...i don\'t think :/ but i got in a
fight and that was pretty entertaining.
posted Jan 17