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BLONDISAURUSREX
^_^ fuckin smile
i like outdoors!
myspace.com/me0wl0rd
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Slow, informal change. It's what seems to be happening. Up's, down's, but so far I've found a majority of downs. Just wanting for someone to be true, and when I had found that, it seemed to not be enough. This makes me a liar. Once I found what I wanted I was still unsatisfied. Sometimes, I really hate me. Help me figure it out. Maybe I am better of alone. One day, some guy, or some girl will come and find me. Whisk me away into their world. I'll be damned if I don't try right now, though. I just am too weak to put up that same old fight from a day to day basis. I'm tired. =[ I'm coming back, though.
Some thoughts...
I've just had alot on my mind lately, so I figured I'd type some of the whiny shit out hahahaha.
I don't know what happened, but so much has changed inside of me. . .I swear, nothing's the same anymore.
The unfortunate part, is the majority of things that have changed is things I wanted to 'preserve' and keep as a part of me...
This likely won't make any sense to you, so I advise you just stop haha this is just another pointless blog..
It's like from going to a different camera setting in real life or something.
A big difference, but no obvious damage done [at first]..
A little confusing, or in this case really confusing, foreign, and not showing the old qualities that the few that did really appreciated.
Another weird thing is that I believe I have gotten closer to God..
I had a talk with Danny today about crap that's goin' on and I must say that kid gives damn good advice.
I kind of ..emptied myself of the negativity and the stuff pulling me further from God and there isn't a big difference yet, but it'll grow..
I don't know. Life is so unsure these days.
All I want to do right now is find out who the real friends are and stick with them...
I don't give people good enough chances or something, because that's where the problem starts.
I also need solid ground; clarity if you will..
More later..those are just some thoughts lingering in my confused little head. >.<
Truth.
I need to get out; change
A little more positivity would be nice..
And quality time with my cat
If things weren't so complicated, I'd be a happier kid.
The everyday strains of life are what cause the pain in my lower back.
I won't stop and I need to.
I need to fly away; find out where I belong.
It sure as hell isn't anywhere near this place that's supposedly 'home'.
I'm hindered by the fact that certain people tell me I am a friend but never call.
I worry my love will someday run out and be replaced with bitterness.
I'm just not who I once was.
I take less crap from people now.
I fight more.
I argue more.
I stand up for myself a bit more.
Teaching myself to stay living on my own, and to leave 'those people' out..
I just need somewhere to go; something else to try.
Remove those stupid skeletons from my closet, they make far too much noise.
I need to feel the salty sea on my skin again.
I just don't feel things the way they used to feel.
Nor do I hear the sounds and melodies that once filled my ears.
Throughout the years, my sight has weakened, I see past the bright, the sunny and positive.
I look into a deeper, darker place.
It isn't far from the banks of the city where everyone rushes and has no time for each other.
I don't know why my life is lead the way it is; some is in my control, some is not.
If things could just be like they were.
But one day, I will prove it to you all.
If I would have had a friend [here with me then and now that could have], things wouldn't have slumped the way they have.
This may be signs of me going crazy.
But I know everyone will ignore them.
I am just another lost person and face.
People speak and they take no action.
I'm sick of living a life this way.
TO BE CONTINUED
If Someone Cared
Something needs to stop all this stress and bullshit.I am tired of staying in this slangly termed poor excuse for a house. I can't take this anymore. I am so sick of going from worse to slightly better just to think all day about the different fights and arguments that took place in each. These places aren't considered to me anymore or anywhere near the classifaction of a home...they lack trust, respect, responsibility, and stability.
If I could find a way to just make come to a halt, I would take that chance in a heartbeat.
I was watching a pheasant yesterday, out where I live. It was fairly warm, but mainly humidity because it had been raining so much....I was watching it because I had nothing better to do. I am very enthralled in finding a bird's secret to peace of mind...
If you think about it, birds lack stability. They are always flying around wherever they need to in order to find nourishment, shelter, and water.
They don't seem unhappy they just move along..
Anyway my point is with so much constant movement going on for them, more than likely God made them some type of instict to encourage that. Why couldn't He have injected me with that needle..
Also.
I AM SO SICK OF EVERYONE TRYING TO INFLUENCE ME!
I am not going to listen. I am stubborn and not going to do the stupid shit you want me to do. I really don't care. Let me be who I am. The reasons I have made the recent decisions I have is because I have either already tried that, it failed, or I am sick of the whole failing process.
You don't know me at all. Keep that in mind on J-day.
You don't know what is triggering through my head.
You are completely unaware of what my mind is begging me to let go off.
AND ALSO.
I am absolutely sick of people asking me shit I don't want to tell them. This mainly goes out to adults.
Why do you think my myspace isn't private anymore? Because I don't feel like being asked 10243058740385x6 questions a day. If you don't like the way I do things, stay away from me. Far. I don't care never talk to me again. It won't faze me.
I would really have a better life if everyone wasn't constantly pressuring me to:
"Sarah, if you have something you need to talk about, you can always come to one of us..."
NO. I don't trust you, and it's not something I want to talk about with you. Let me be.
"If you don't let it up, you are going to go crazy and get mad and hate all of us."
No...If you don't stop asking me the same question every day, I will become bitter and stop talking completely, though...
TO BE CONTINUED
Sorry for all the ranting...if you've stayed w/ me up to this point, try and make my day a little better, please?
thx...
A Lonely Loving Memory
Some say memories are golden
That may be true.
I don't want the memories,
I would rather have you.
A million times I will miss you,
a million times I will cry
If love alone could have saved you,
never would you have died.
In life I loved you extremely,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a pocket
no other dog will fill.
It broke my heart to lose you
but you did not go alone
For part of me went with you;
tonight Jesus called you home.
Your precious memory is my souvenir,
with which I'll never part.
God has you safe in His keeping, so you can be His lapdog.
But I'll forever I will have remnants of you in my heart.
If tears could build a staircase
and heartache made a track
I'd walk the path to heaven
with open arms I would bring you back.
Our family chain is broken
and nothing can be the same.
But as God calls us one by one
The chain will link again.
In loving memory of my dog, Schatzie: Eight years is a long time and a lot of love was shared with what would appear to anyone else as a cute little obese dog with back problems but those are the people who don't understand, shall we say Puppy Love? You were the ultimate lap- dog and you fit in my jacket perfectly and when the weather would just start warming up, I would stuff you in my zipped up jacket and we would drive all over with your silky ears flying through the wind. You were a tough little dog, you went through so much. I'm sure there isn't a day that goes by that someone in the family doesn't think of you.
