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ANGEL WITH NO WINGS
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Promise
God, I promise I will know when to stop when I am with a boyfriend or a "friend". I will not have sex. I will not get into heavy making out. I will only kiss him. I can hold his hand. We will have plans so we won't have too much down time totally alone. I will not let him touch me too much. I will not sit on him. I will not let him sit on me. I will hug him but we won't "hold" each other. I promise to keep myself pure, in not only my actions, but my words and thoughts. God, give me the strength to uphold my purity and keep this promise. I will find a ring to remind me that I will remain pure before God and for myself and for my future husband.
It will end. It will hurt. Don't get too attached, dont' try to make it last longer.
Single
I wish that it was easy for me to be single. I wish that I didn't feel like everything I need is in a guy who loves me. I feel like that especially since I'm a romantic that it's hard for me to not give up everything like the movies and leave everything, my friends, my faith, my normal life, to be in love. Everything in me wants to do that! We aren't very similar we aren't very compatable but I think this time it's opposites attract. : / and I wish it wasn't. I want him in more than one way and that scares me. No one else has liked me as much. Something serious can really happen. I want it to happen more than anything I've ever wanted before.. besides heaven. And I heaven seems so far away right now, and Q is soo close. Why do I tie myself to the mast? Why can I not hear the sweeter song? I wanted to kiss him sooo badly last night. I wanted to tell him.. and still want to.. that after I went home my right foot was still warm and my left was cold. I want him to hold me like he did when I went to his house. I want to hold his hand. I want to relax and lay back with him. I want to kiss him. He keeps inviting me over. I want to go soo bad. I want to let him hold me.
Didgets
I loved my dream last night. Josh was in it. He was my boyfriend. It made me kinda sad today. I kept thinking of that song on Cinderella. A dream is a wish your heart makes. He's so cute and nice and hott.. and he's christian! I mean.. this guy is like perfect. I just wish I knew he was perfect for me. But ok so I was sad during my first period. I was kinda excited going to second period because I wanted to see if Josh emailed me. He did. And he said things like "keep in touch" and he asked for my number!!! I hope he calls me :D I really like this guy. Update: he hasn't called me. He hasn't even emailed me that much. Maybe he tried to call... but I wasn't there. I could call him.. cause he gave me his number. but I'm too scared. I have realized that I'm a person scared of a relationship. I don't know why. I wish I could talk to a shrink. but all I can do is think to my self. Try to analyze my every move and thing that I want to do. I realize that I'm a very scared person. I'm always scared someone doesn't like me and when they do like me it makes me more scared. My best friend Anna also pointed out to me that a possible reason I like to show off is that as a kid everyone liked my little sister better than me. So I was always trying to make people like me and showing them I could sing made them like me for a little bit. So I end up hurting my best friend's feelings and my sisters feelings every time I show off cause it makes them feel like they have nothing to offer. I realized that and am trying to stop showing off as much. especially in front of them. (Other Things:) Qitivituiq I think that's how you spell it well he's a guy that I met at the Young Adult Game Night at Adams house every Sunday evening... He isn't that attractive but being myself I flirt with him like nothing else! Well I think he might actually really like me,,, and he's a nice guy,, but he's not a Christian, I wish he was,, then I might date him,, but I promised God and myself that I would not date someone who wasn't a christian, I think I'm too scared to date him anyways, I'm such a wuss! I feel bad though,, It's soo fun flirting with him! I think I officially flirt tooooo much! poor guy, I kinda like him too,, then again,, I like too many people, Update: I talked to Q last night on messenger. I like him a lot I think... I would probably date him if he asked me. But that makes me sad because of my promise. How can I take back a promise to God? Why do I screw things up like this? I could make it so I don't see him again! AND WE BOTH LIVE IN NOME!!! but I like him. God grant me the strength. I know that me liking him is probalby not in God's plan because he's not a christian. But if I knew that God wanted me to be with him I would. lol. but that possiblility is like 0. Update: I talk to Q every once in a while.. but he always tries to argue with me about what I believe and what he believes. It makes me sad that he's such a lost soul. Josh News: I called Josh once.. he was in California we accidentally talked for 40 minutes..it was fun. He called me again too. We talked for like half an hour :). Don't worry I dont' tell him everything about me. There is still alot about me that he doesn't know. I might go to Kentucky sometime in May to see my friend at college and Josh said he would drive up from Alabama to see me!
The Family Stone
A dumb movie yes. I didn't like it much. But on the upside I went to see it with Josh and Rick and Mick. I dont' know what to think about Josh. I think he's the hottest cutest guy like... ever. But I looked him up on myspace and found out that he has a girlfriend.. I dont' know what to think. It kind of hurt me.. like made me sad. She seemed to genuinely love him.. from what I saw on her page. I really liked him. I still do. I sat next to him in the theatre last night and lol.. I would always forget how cute he was. Then I would look over at him. he would look back over at me and then he would smile. I would always be so shocked at how cute he was. I want to tell you about how good it felt when our arms were touching skin to skin. and how he hugged me last night before I went home. and how he bought me an orange juice, and how he wore my letterman jacket and after he gave it back to me it was still warm, and how he almost took my chapstick on the plane with him, and how he hugged me first and longest before he left, and how much I wish things could happen. but I dont' want to wish anymore. I'm going to live for Jesus. I don't want to live for Josh. I saw him for the last time today. Plus if he's going to marry that girl in Cali. ever, I dont' want to get in the way and be a regret for him. I just pray that God would give me someone He would want for me. They are going to sing for choir today. I can't help but be excited but they didn't come for choir.. just like I couldn't help but wear my favorite clothes today.. lol. ok one of them is Anna's shirt. but I couldn't find anything of mine. It's really hard trying not to like him. It makes me sad that everyone thinks he's such a bad guy. They all feel like he's stuck up or something. But I dont' think that anyone that cute has ever liked me. But I guess pretty is as pretty does. God looks on the inside so I think that's what I want to do but it's hard. And as Brad Stine says, "Hard is good!". So I guess I'll continue doing to hard things. It's hard to listen to everyone put him down though. He's only been nice to me. And even the Fiskeaux girls don't think much of him. God only knows if I'll ever see him again and it'll be His will if I ever do. And if I want to be in anyones will it'd be God's. I will wish for one more thing though. That they all would go on doing God's will and that people would be saved because of them.
Wow!
I saw an angel.. of that I'm sure.. lol. Yeah.. lame quotation of a song.. but I can't think of anything else about him. He is.. perfect! Well the only not perfect thing about him is that he's 17 and i'm 18.. but everything else is.. I just met him last night.. his name is Josh. I was sitting down in the living room of the people who put on the youth group I go to.. He walked up the stairs and I thought he was the hottest thing like... ever. so he walked up those stairs followed by these twins probably in their late 40's and an old couple, they brought up 2 guitars. Now being a guitar player myself I was happy to see Josh carrying one because that makes a hott guy even hotter.. I looked around to see if any of my friends were looking to see the new hottie they've never seen before.. no one was looking!! I was soo shocked.. except a girl named Kara. We aren't tight or anything.. but she's nice. I looked at her and said "Wow right?" she was like, "yeah!". Well I made myself known to the twins named Mick and Rick they were really nice and I liked them instantly. We were still playing a game when they came so after the game during a transition period I made small talk with them. Later we went around the small group of youth we have and said our names. I am a smiley person so I smiled while I said my name.. Arielle. and one of the twins said "Smile if you know your beautiful." lol. I was so shocked! I couldnt' help but smile really big but I also couldn't help but look down into my lap because I dont' agree about the beautiful thing.. but they made me feel special right away. And when they introduced themselves they introduced Josh too. They said "this is Josh girls, Yes he is young and single." they also said he was 17 and they pointed at me and asked how old I was! I said 18 and they said "Well that isn't too bad" lol. Then the twins got out 2 guitars and started singing! It was beautiful. It reminded me of a probably better Simon and Garfunkle. (while we were playing the games Josh was in the kitchen tuning their guitars, I thought he couldnt' get any hotter.. I was wrong) Then after they sung that song they made Josh come up with them too (he was sitting listening in the backround). And they sang a song where Josh had a solo in it. I just about DIED!!! I was dead gone! Head over heels. Now I'm a person who enjoys singing. If that's what God calls me to do I'd be very grateful. I also appreciate singing very much. So needless to say I was in a puddle on the floor. Listening. Well they talked and I was very interested in what they had to say. And they let the old couple speak too. They were actually the grandparents of one of the girls who said "yes" in the Columbine Shooting. It was over all a very good youth group. The twins sang worship songs in the end and I think a couple people were very convicted. After it ended. The twins said something about how our group has musicians too and by mere chance, I wrote my first song that afternoon.. too bad I cried my makeup then I might have looked better.. but it was a song that conveyed my feelings well.. so I cried that afternoon so no makeup survived to see Youth Group. So my best friends sister Martha shared a song and it was good. And then she handed me the guitar. I could not think of a song to sing! well I ended up singing and everyone joined on the chorus but I was the only person who knew the verses so it was basically me singing. They enjoyed it.. I sang my song too.. but no one was listening. but that's ok.. cause since it was time for everyone to go I said I'd walk and I was going to show them my song since they didn't hear it earlier.. I even planned what I was going to say.. "Well I wanted to show you the song I just wrote today.. maybe you can even "fix it" and sing it together to maybe help you bring someone to Christ." or something along those lines. but alas they were both soo busy talking to the adults and praying with a teen I know who stayed after that they never heard it. So I just ended up hanging out with *sigh* Josh. I have a friend who thought he was very...Perfect... too.. lol. She stayed after with me and him and well me and Josh both had guitars so we took turns doing various songs. Sometimes we would just talk and well he would sit and play and me and Emmy Lou (a newish found friend :D) told him to sing for us. (We were both soo hitting on him!!) He said he didn't like to sing. I waited a couple seconds and said "You do realize when you get older, and when you marry someone, that that girl if she has heard you sing before is going to make you sing to her like every night?".. *sigh* and he smiled!! (he has the straightest teeth btw). and he said, "Well, when I get married I would want to do anything to please my wife." *swoons* and that was right when me and Emmy Lou both melted right into the couch. We talked for a long time too. Youth group usually gets out at 9:15 (supposed to be 9 but you know how it goes with youth) and well.. me and Emmy stayed till they basically kicked us out at 11:30. We were both in LOVE with this boy. Right when I got home I was getting ready for bed and Emmy called. We talked about Josh and other boys till midnight (I'd like to say too that we both felt like Josh was paying more attention to the other of us and were kind of jealous of each other) when we both went to bed. Me and Emmy both agreed that if he agreed we'd share him. lol. we were kidding.. but kind of not. lol. So now since I stayed up later than usual I'm very tired, and in a haze. And that's my love story about Josh (I don't even know his last name.. yet!) I hope that's not the end.
