crazy long entitled.....friends or lack there of....haha plesant
Posted October 17, 2008
so im in a rely good mood and shouldnt be typin this out cuz its kinda sad but if i dont itll bug the shit outta me haha so on with the depression lol...
so my best friend and probally my only friend got in a hella lotta trouble and prob cant go to homecoming and i was gunna go w/ her. idk if i should go cuz of friends. at skoolik tons of ppl but we arent close that i would be able to go to homecoming & hang w/ them. i hate not having friends. when ever i hang w/ my 2 closest friends and their friends (which is rare) i feel so out of place. if u ask anyone who knos me, well or not, about how social i am they would all say how im kinda intimidating cuz im quiet but once you take the time to get to kno me then im rely loud and pretty chill. i hate being sky and having all these pre concieved notions of me. at my skool there arent many people like me. the ones who i was friends w/ turned out to me just a pathetic excuse for a person (cept one who i dont hav a prob w/) im at a point where i jus wanna leace. idc where but i dont think i want to leave alone. there are about 3 or 4 people who i wouldnt mind picking me up and taking me somewhere. if i told the names then the people who kno my relationship w/ them would be suprised. i think i chose these people because im not close to them. but ik that they are up for anything and when i talk to them everything that is bothering me goes away. im so restless rite now (ive changed the way im sitting bout 6 times and im still not confortable and ive sat in almost every corner of my room) my mind still has been going a million miles an hour and idk y. i keep thinking bout my 6th period class. for some reason i think its cuz of how out of place i am there. there is one person i consider a friend in that class and we dont evn talk. i only see them in 1st period and we talk for lik 2 seconds on aim and on even lunches. im starting to question y i consider him a friend and its killing me....
ok complete gear change. being single is starting to bug me again. its been over 2 years. 2 fucking years. im sic of it all. i find myself liking a few guys and ik it will never happen. one ive known forever another i only talk to on myspace and another ive never talked to. i jus wish i had a guy in my life who i could just hold or kno will be there. everyday people tell me bout their girl/guy problems and it seriously makes me want to hit them and say atleast u had someone. i think that y i want only ppl i dont rely kno to take me away. we dont talk bout relationships. if i was to have someone i knew well pick me up thats all they would talk about. i dont mind helping friends w/ their problems but once it becomes all they talk about i get kinda mad. ive become almost the only person some ppl talk to bout relationships and some of them thats the only time i talk to them. today i was watching a sick puppies video w/ the guy who gives free hugs and it hurt to watch. i havent gotten a real hug from a guy in litterally forever. no one seems to get how much that huts. not one person ik can say they hav gone through whut im going through. why am i always the one who goes through shit first? im not a fucking gunnie pig. it sounds cheesy as fuck but i wish someone would jus giv me a hug...a real one too. jus to let me kno they cared even a little if i lived or died.....
...that was sad. now bac to havin fun haha
