purevolume™

faking

yeah, faking it. mabe we all do this at some point in time. some live it out every waking moment and only in their dreams are free.

my friend told me that he hates it when people lie to themselves. i don't even know him that well but I would do anything for him, don't ask me why. there are just some people who you feel like you are ok with. i agree with the whole thing. it must be miserable to always be trying to please someone by killing yourself in one way or another.

that just goes to show that the truth is so much more than a beautiful lie.

peace.

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so, the difference is?

so many people want to be the one that is different. Someone who is not like the rest. but if we are all tring against each other to be differnen, are we not the same?

every person was a kid once. and all a kid wants is to be loved no matter what. through growing up people are battered, abused, shut inside, shut out. and this all changes them. We become the people the don't care or care too much. still, sometimes hidden behind a locked door, is that same want to be loved, held, to be safe and where no one can touch you because of the love that you have. some of us find this after our hearts have been broken so many times it seems impossible that it could be whole again, and it never is whole as we live, but almost. The Lucky ones find that love early one and hold on to it like there is no tomorrow. and sometimes there isn't.

but is it easy to tell if you are loved? or are we blinded sometimes by the things that we think we want. we chase after those worthless things and leave the love to dry up. it never does though. but we change, after we have caught the hollow dream, we still feel empty. the emptiness turns us in one of two directions. Back to the Love. or away toward more faded things that we think will make us happy.

is happiness what we should strive for? Seriously does happiness fill us up? not what we think happiness is today. a fleeting feeling that we alone experience, sometimes at the cost of those around us. does the Love make us happy? or does it just fill us so we don't want anything, so we are back how Life is supposed to be?

oh, and by the way. the Love is not from your soulmate, girlfriend, boyfriend, random hookup, family or friends. the Love is from one God, one man that bled for you. Jesus Christ. hey, no one has died for me except Him, and he said it was because he loved me, loved us? hey, that has got to be some of the most love anyone has ever gotten!

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different

yeah, we think we bad...

come on you know it! we think that we are all that matters in this world. hey at least i did. when someone cut me off, when i got into a shout out with anyone, if someone forgot me or what it was always against me.

going somewhere else in the world. seeing how people in another place lived, how they were ok, how they were happy without a car or 'their music' or much of anything for that matter. they didn't count calories, or do crunches... they lived life. and i got to share in their lives. anyone and everyone i met i loved. and loved well.

getting way away from all the THINGS that had crowded in on my life gave me time to think
time to pray
time to just fricking be
so i figured out that Jesus is the biggest person in my life. that nothing and no one will ever fill me up so much as he does. and what is more... i don't deserve even a second glance from him, but he loves me! so much that no matter how much i skrew(ed) things up, he goes through the pain and lets me come back .
so i figured also that i want to do things and go all over the planet.
and i want to keep on walking in love just as Christ loved me and gave himself up for me a fragrant offering- and sacrifice to God...

Peace

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Really????

Ok, I am gonna be honest here. Wow. Seriously I am, here it goes, I am a liar. I am a liar and a thief. A liar, a thief, a two faced, crazy, jacked up on ice cream, pathetic little girl.

In saying that would you believe me if I said that someone loves me enough to take the time to be with me every time I need it? No, because it is crazy! No one wants to hang with someone who is so far gone right? But there you go, 24 hours, any time, I am loved. Then it goes even farther than that! Hey, this man died, he died when I was supposed to. All the things that I just kept getting into added up to the death penalty. Dead forever, no chance at getting out of it. Then this perfect guy comes up and puts himself up for my pain. Now not only does he get to hear about it, but now he gets the pain that I deserved.

Now, how can I not be totally all about this crazy man that loved me so much to take me as I am, to be with me all the time through it all, and who took my punishment. I am so stoked though, because this guy was not just some dude, he was God. And as God, something that he created (death) could not be master over him. So even though he got the death penalty, my friend did not stay in the earth. He is there for me 24/7. I could not live if he was not there for me. Even if I could be alive, I would not want to, cause what is the point of living if not love.

Peace to all you hoodlums, beggars, bastards, cheats, liars, thieves, and all round freakshows!

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why am i afraid?

Afraid to talk to the people I know and care about and to the random strangers that are torn up inside?

Well there is good news I am working on it and i am no longer afraid as I once was. People need to know how awesome they really are and no one is telling them that. So now I am. And who cares, you know what? I am a Jesus chaser, yes I love him with all that is in me!

Now you know......
But does that change anything?

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