September 7, 2006
Posted September 7, 2006
She's gone. I loved her. I love her. She's gone. My friend. Lena. I went to her memorial service. I cried. I cried harder than I ever have before. That day. Was terrible. There was this feeling. Deep in me. It said, this is all too good to be true. Something's wrong. There was something wrong. She was gone. Her memorial service. I entered the first room. Everyone was hugging her brother. Macajah. I gave him a hug. I told him I was there for him. I looked across the room into the other room. I saw a casket. I stood there. Afraid. Afraid of her being in there. Afraid it was all true. Afraid I would never be able to hold her again. Afraid I'd never be able to kiss her again. Afraid I'd never be able to tell her how much I loved her. How much she meant to me. I walked towards the casket. I saw her. She looked like a doll. She was as beautifal as ever. I stared at her. I cried. Tears rolled down my face. I didn't want it to be true. It couldn't be. I saw her just the day before. I saw her. She looked mad. I didn't say anything. I regret that. I wish I told her I loved her. Maybe she would have known. Maybe she did know. I'll never know. I'll never know if we could have had something. I'll never know. I know she really liked me. I know she got jealous whenever I was with another girl or guy. I know. I know that much. I touched her. I rolled my hand across her cheek. I put my hand on hers. She felt like wax. A tear rolled off my face. Onto hers. I wiped it off. I whispered into her ear. I love you. Always and Forever. I wonder if she heard me. I wonder if she cared. I wish I told her. Told her I loved her. Told her I wanted her to be a part of my life forever. Forever.
