PureVolume

Seriously

“Come on.”  I just kept thinking; my hands were shaking, my ears on fire from frustration.  I was simply trying to obtain the rest of my groceries and the last measly object I had to retrieve was a peach, which lye just out of reach.  In front of me stands a large woman in tacky clothing staring curiously at the peaches as if choosing the right one is a life or death situation.  She can’t seem to make up her mind nor stand back and let other indifferent shoppers grab what they need so they can be on their way.  It seems, in her head, it’s a requirement to stand directly in front of the peaches, not letting anyone else get their goods.  These aren’t the only shoppers that tend to be annoying.  Placing shoppers in categories is easy considering they have distinct shopping habits.  You have the Zonie Outies, the Lightning Flyers, and the Holy Lingerers.

A lot of shoppers tend to overlook the Zonie Outies until they encounter one.  Their usually noticed when they get in the way.  You can’t get your shopping cart around them, through them, or even under them and if you ask them, nicely in fact, they don’t even notice your existence because they’re too busy zoning out.  You can spot these shoppers from a mile away if you’re actually looking for them; once you know what to look for, it seems like they’re the only thing you see.  They’re usually the bigger, lonesome ladies standing in the middle of the isle, staring at the shelves of food, but as if they’re staring straight through everything before their eyes.  They’re probably worrying about their tiny dog that had to be left at home while shopping, “Does it have enough food?  I hope she doesn’t fall down the stairs again.”  Worries flowing through their heads while blocking the entire isle with their cart and body.  Although they tend to be annoying for any shopper, one in a hurry, or one taking their time, they’re completely harmless otherwise.  You can’t ignore them if they’re in your way and it’s hard to avoid them sometimes, but once you finally get their attention, they’ll kindly move for you.

The Lightning Flyers fly through the grocery store like there’s no tomorrow.  There’s two different types of Lightning Flyers” the Never-Failing Fatties and the Day Scroungers.

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