PureVolume

I Hate You...

But not you.

No, my dear, I love you.

And your...oh fuck it all..your not just slipping through my fingers. I've seen your passion; felt it, tasted it...and I can't let you go...

Oh god no...I miss you so badly; my heart is breaking.

Tears I cry in this endless dream
Pain I feel flows like a waterfall into the
river's stream
I hear the tune of sorrow and despair
Forever alone in this dark place
love does not live there

Love quit me, I did not quit him
Memories of sweet moments and what could have been
He sung this song as he walked towards the door, "I don't want to know you or see you anymore."

I cried and pleaded and asked "Was it me?"
He said, " you and I were just not meant to be." He left me alone with rage, anger, and pain. How could something so sweet be so vain?

"Don't cry my dear we can still be friends."
I let out a sigh and told him that this is the end. At that exact moment I felt as is I wanted to die, because everything he ever told me was a lie.

Pieces of my hear began to shatter even more, as I saw him walk out the door. Don't know where to start or where to began. To pick up the pieces so my heart can mend

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That..

...Better not be about me.

You know who you are, and you know what I'm talking about.

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Some Poetry, Nothing More, But Certainly Nothing Less.

Broken Promises Abound.

Two People.

One with a heart of Searching,
The Other with a heart of glass,

Finding, finding, Search, more more,
And the Other, Picking up the Pieces of Her Heart.

Once Shattered, never fully fixed,
Why did They give it away so quickly?

Swiftly he came, and swiftly he left,
Running from the Thing he claimed to love, to do anything for.

She knew.

She knew it was infatuation from the beginning.
For though she is young in age, she is old in spirit,

And has been through much in her 17 years of life on Earth.
And boys, and men, seem to be her forte.

She doesn't mean to, but she falls for them, and hard,
So hard she shakes loose the feelings He ever had for her.

She is tired.
She is worn out; exhausted, from His games.
From the lies.
From the promises he never had intentions of keeping.

But someday, She will find the man that will (see previous post labled "No, This Wasn't Copy Pasted) do all that for her.

And he won't just 'lose' his feelings.
He will LOVE her...

But she has given away the last shard of her heart,
So what does she do?

She stirs the hot bath water with a finger,
Testing the warmth,
Clear and Pure, It breathes a sigh under her hand,

Soon to be crimson red, she steps in, letting the last of her clothing drop to the floor.

A pause.

Her hand drifts to the edge of the bathtub, feeling for her Silver Friend.

Cold metal meets warm fingers.

She shivers, her frame covered in small bumps, and she bites her lip as the Friend slides its form across her legs, belly, arms, and finally, she comes to her wrists.

She graphically carves Your name in her Arm, Blood thickly flows from the wounds.

Suddenly, she stands up, "I Am Finished...

With You."

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Old Post.

So, as some of you know, I just came back from Sonshine Festival...

.......

I was used, abused, kissed, hit, stomped on, lusted after, and pretty much anything else you can think of.

I almost lost my virginity.

And that boy now wants nothing to do with me.

I met a boy...but I don't know what to do about that whole thing.

I came home and my best friend called and told me off.

We aren't friends anymore.

I don't have any friends left.

I'm alone.

Sonshine royally SUCKED.

Now I just came back from Church Camp.

Hoo boy, that was full of stalkeratzi, drama, screaming girls, and skinny dipping (none of which I performed in, of course).
It was actually quite amazing...I'll recount the course of events briefly:

I came mad at God.
About...everything, almost.
My life story.
I wasn't planning on anything happening, and on the second to last night, I was so angry at Him, I actually went outside and just yelled out my bitterness and hatred towards God.
Then, on the last night, I surrendered to Him.
I surrendured boys, my sexuality, my bitterness and anger, my past...a lot.

I left a new person.
People literally came up to me and told me they could actually SEE a physical difference in me.
It was pretty sweet.


:)

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Realize What I Just Realized.

Why do I even bother?

Life isn't worth it.


I try to follow God,
I try to not let my heart go,
I try to stay pure,
I try to not eat so much,
I try to lose weight,
I try to look my best, all the time,
I try to not miss Cassen,
I try to not love Christian,


But in the end...


It all comes crashing down on me as if I WANTED my life to suck.


Wakeup call, Gabby,

You weren't meant to be born.
You are a shame to the world, everything about you is flawed and won't ever change without undergoing a knife.
You are 'just average', fat, and plain.
Without your make up, your a big, blob of nothing-ness put together in the shape of a human being.

You are worthless.

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