im sure no one will follow this
Posted September 28, 2008
Im such an idiot sometimes well all the time i always feel like other people deserve happiness more than i do i always feel like other people need love more than i do or I'd be a super witch for wanting someone for myself if someone else wants them too.I always say oh thats great yea you should totally go for it wen im actually thinking NOO I WANT HIM but i've gotten to a point were i just dont think it anymore i just start to move on.Im just tired of being here and im tired of saying im tired of being here im tired of kidding myself saying i dont really care when i do or im totally amazing on my own when im not. I tell people i dont want a relationship so they dont ask why im not with anyone. i let people call me a player wen i hav all these short lived romances when it really cuz i cant get close to someone cuz im constantly thinking its going to end and how its going to end and even though i've been thinking about it and waiting for it for so long i cant bring myself to just say I WANT YOU its so simple but im such an idiot sometimes i cant figure out why i cant just do it.I want this i want this but for some reason i dont desreve to be happy w/ someone else so i keep myelf away. I just keep a distance so i dont get rejected i dont get embarassed or made a fool i dont get my feelings hurt but the truth is i've caused myself more pain than anyone's rejection could and those short months of bliss i had because thank god he was so direct and persistant have made me a lot happier than any dodged bullets of rejection i think i saved myself from i dont know why i dont know this its like that beatles song "For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool By making his world a little colder" gosh why dont i kno that and that was almost if not a year ago and ofcourse i make it seem like it meant Absolutly nothing but they've meant a lot for a while im ready for that again and if i can go get it myself id consider myself cured.These stupid movies inspire this thats why i hate um but hey whos gonna remind you how great love can be.... if you take a risk
