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Jessica Marie Bowen<3 I miss you so much.

November 23, 1986 - October 29, 2008 At her funeral the priest said something very true. He said that when people look at the head stones all they really look at is the date of birth and the date of death. All that they think about is how long the person lived and how their life was cut short. But he said what really matters is not the date of birth nor the date of death, but the little dash in the middle. The life that person lived, the lives that they touched, and all of the happy memories that they made, and the people they loved and loved them. My sister Jessica died of kidney failure. She was the most beautiful person that I have ever met in my entire life. Not only was she absolutely gorgeous but she was fun, sweet, caring, and just amazing...actually to say she was all of those things would be an understatement. I always looked up to her and wanted to be just like her. I dont know if she knew just how much I admired her and loved her. I without a doubt in my mind wouldnt be who I am or where I am without her being with me, and being such and amazing sister and friend. Having different dads didnt make us any less of sisters, and not being able to see eachother and much as we would have liked didnt either. She was the greatest big sister anyone could ever ask for. I know that a lot of people say that about their sisters and stuff but I mean this with my whole heart and soul. It was so much easier when before I would just have to wait a couple of months or a few weeks even to see her and now I have to wait until the day that I die and it hurts my heart so much. I just want to hug her and laugh with her and talk with her in her car like we used to. That day, sitting in the car listening to music, just me and her I thought to myself how lucky I was to have a sister like her that cares about me. At the time I thought that it was cheesey so I didnt tell her what I was thinking, theres not a second that has passed since she has been gone that I dont wish that I would have told her. Or told her how much she means to me and how much I love her. I just miss her so so much and I want to see her now. I will never ever understand why God had to take her a way from me but I know in my heart that this is all a part of his plan and that he is taking care of her now and she is the happiest that she could ever be and will be happy forever. Never in my life would I have dreamed of something like this happening. This wasnt supposed to happy. Sometimes I find it extremely hard to go through life and I feel distant from God. But I trust him with all of my heart and I will continue to strive and to live for him so that when I die I will go with him forever and be with him, happy, forever and get to see my beautiful big sister again. I can only look forward to this day and continue living and smiling the way she always did and making her proud. Though my heart is broken right now, I am trusting my God and I am doing this so that one day I will never ever have to feel this pain again because I will be with him and I will see her again. Knowing that she is in heaven with God and she will be happy forever is the only thing making me feel the least bit better about all of this. There was so much left unsaid and so much of her life that we were supposed to live together. But this is what happened. Jessica, I love you so so much. I miss you so much. I remember how you wrote to me when I was little and you said that you cried for me...I am crying for you so much and I want you here. But I know that you are happy now and I cant wait to see you again. I swear if I had known this is what happened I would have taken back anything that I ever said to hurt you and I want you to know that I love you beyond words and I miss you so much. Until we meet again all that I can think of to say to you is again, I love you a million times and more. Since I didnt get to see you that day and I didnt get to say goodbye I guess this is my way of doing so. But this isnt goodbye. Your death on earth is the beginning of your life in heaven where you will be happy forever. I love you big sister and I will always love you. See you in heaven. R.I.P. Jessica Marie Bowen<3

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