PureVolume

Members: Spearhavok - Vox/Guitars, Kilgore Cranium - Bass/Guitars/Vox, Kid Syphilis - Lead Guitars, Andy Capitated - Drums

In a world dominated by the two great monoliths of rock, Pearl Jam and Killswitch Engage, what chance have Spearhavok, KC, Andy and the Kid got? The answer, it seems, is little. Unable to work out the purpose of deathcore, metalcore, groovecore, or any hybrids thereof, LSB are in the unenviable position of having to produce music that sounds like it could have been made in the early 1990s. However, elitist curmudgeons as they are, they take a masochistic pride in producing music which few will buy. For the purposes of this exercise, we will assume this is a quality to be admired.

Consisting of luckless fatso Spearhavok, orange-haired man-whore Kid Syph, belligerent Celt KC and the protein-rich Andy, LSB sprang into being in 2009. There will never be any line-up changes because LSB hate most people, and the few musicians they don't hate are in other bands that have been going absolutely ages. I won't describe the music, save to say it's far quicker to list the albums to which it's inferior than the albums to which it's superior.

If you ever managed to come to one of our gigs, you'd find black punk being played with similar intensity to that with which a metalcore band will style their hair. Demos of this material have been recorded in Necrohell 3, Winchester and periodically appear on the internet when we can be bothered to grapple with servers, browsers, motherboards and the like. Upon listening to said recordings, you will notice that the guitar tone used is unnecessarily gainy and trebly. This is because we have found this noise to be most efficient way of warding off metal fans who have a huge fringe and/or spend more than half an hour a week styling their beards.

The subject matter of said music is Sawney Bean himself, a Scot from them days who was even more cantankerous than our own KC, to the extent that he would kill people to death then feast on their brains, guts and privates.