PureVolume

so I burn my hand on the damned vicks steamer... it's some midieval bronchial torture device created to clear nasal passages from across the room, and secondarily capable of melting flesh from up close... I just did it to myself in fact...

& it hurts like a bitch...

Seriously... it's like a 4th degree steam burn... it's a smart burn too, the kind that picks one spot and blazes the shit out of it, pulverizing flesh with a laser guided attack, nary so much as a second's warning... there's an instant blister... the area surrounding the glowing blister is suburban, pristine, peroxide haired, and virgin...

This'll set me back a month.... I can hardly fucking type but I'm doing it anyway... 'stop being a twat you stupid twat'.... my inner voice screams at me loudly, much like the bleating sting of pain that screeches while it slowly envelops my fist like a militant napalm enema... mutherfucker the pain.... I stick my whole arm beneath the lovely rusty ass chipped enamel tap... yes, it's rusty and enamel... I'm fucking with you... don't go back and edit... the cool water works but only gives me a very brief calloused relief...

The pain has just about spread to my testicles now, there is no escape... I am trapped like an accountant in a tax trap... like a skinny kid with a hard-on after a stone cold drunk waking up buried for life beneath the mother of all fat chicks... she's called marriage...

Should I remove my hand from the cold water and embrace the pain that tells me I'm alive like a good practicing existentialist, or should I soothe my hand beneath the water like a little bitch?

My pubic hairs are bored waiting for the pain to spread... there's definitely no escape... as the fire rages deep into my DNA, fleecing my g-nomes, it hits me like a Mike Tyson come on...

I don't even need a steam machine... my goddamn old lady does....

Sonufabitch... she got me yet again...